Ex Intempestivo Pax
by Escoger
Summary: When Lily sends a wedding invitation to Severus, rather than admitting defeat, he decides to risk everything in pursuit of his last slim hope of winning the heart of the one he loves. AU after Severus' decision. Pairings: You'll just have to read and see.
1. To Die But Once

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 1**

**To Die But Once**

_Better a small chance at heaven than a guarantee of hell..._

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or William Shakespeare, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

It was a beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly and the autumn air just cool enough to be merely comfortable rather than an annoyance; Severus Snape thought it ironic that on such a beautiful day his dreams, already in tatters, were about to be burned into ashes. His secret love, Lily Evans, had just sent him a letter, which would have seemed a good thing, considering it was what he had been praying for ever since the end of their friendship three years ago, if it weren't for the letter's contents.

Reading the letter from beginning to end for the third time, Severus swore aloud, wishing he could blow something up, but he was outside and there were Muggles nearby, so that wasn't an option available to him.

The letter had two requests in it: that they could forgive and forget, perhaps becoming acquaintances again, something that he felt was a good place to start with if he were to try to win back her friendship and perhaps more, and that she was inviting him to her wedding, which was to take place this October.

It was particularly painful considering that it was his worst enemy that she was marrying, James Potter, who had seemed to make it his life's mission to ruin Severus'. Potter, even when Severus and Lily had been best friends, had seemed to take great pleasure in tormenting Severus, humiliating him constantly, then when he had supposedly 'changed', beating him until Severus had needed to learn skills comparable to the average Healer in order to avoid having to go to the Hospital Wing.

Admittedly, after Lily had given up on him, thanks to how he was getting closer and closer to this gang that was planning on joining the Death Eaters as well as because he had slipped and called her...a certain word, it had seemed as if his fate had been set, driving him straight into the Death Eaters, crushing any and all chances of a true friendship.

Nonetheless, with the exception of losing Lily and loathing what he was forced to witness sometimes, Severus couldn't say that being a Death Eater was too bad; he had improved his magic to the point that he, quite frankly, laughed at the idea of Potter even coming close to matching him anymore, he now had the respect of much of the 'aristocracy' of the wizarding world, and he was able to stay with his friends, who had also became Death Eaters. Even so, Severus felt privately that every day without Lily was a great loss for him indeed, and he would give it all up just for the chance to be her best friend again...

Severus sighed and started to walk back to his house, eyes aiming straight at the ground in front of him as his dismal thoughts echoed themselves through his head. The biggest problem was that, quite simply, his situation had become what was basically a catch-22: he didn't want to give up on being in the Death Eaters for nothing, as he had quite a few people he cared about in them, and he would be sacrificing all that he had accomplished so far, so he really only wanted to do it if he could be assured of Lily's being his best friend again.

On the other hand, Lily had always been of the opinion that you should do the right thing regardless of cost, simply because it was the right thing to do, so there was no way that she would promise her friendship to him solely in order to make sure he changed sides, and Severus couldn't be sure that he could keep her friendship if he did change sides, as Potter, like before, would probably do everything in his power to undermine it.

Reaching his house, Severus opened the door, almost slamming it against the wall, before it returned to its proper place with an indignant squeak, then walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and opened a carton of milk, pouring himself a cup, before grabbing a can of green beans from a nearby cupboard.

He started eating and drinking without relish or even much attention paid towards the food as he pondered his situation and what he could do about it. He started going over all the dismal factors he had gone through no less than five times each day, sighing as they came to the same conclusion he had gotten the last thousand times.

Forcing down the last of the green beans, Severus then walked over to the couch and threw himself onto it, propping his chin on the raggedy armrest while he laid down on his front. 'Really, I don't have any real option, do I? I mean, it's not like I can compete against handsome, rich, 'I'm such a great guy' Potter. For all of his disgusting flaws, he does have me beat, as I am a Death Eater, and that probably isn't changing any time soon...'

Sighing again, Severus went over to his desk, picked up a sheet of parchment, and began to write:

_Dear Lily,_

_While I would certainly be willing to agree to this 'forgiving and forgetting', I will never go to any social event that has POTTER in it, for he has made my life a living hell during our school years._

_Yours Always,_

_Severus Snape_

Severus looked over the letter and shrugged; while it probably wouldn't help much in the long run, it was the best he could do given what he had to work with. Going over it one last time, he called his snowy owl, Tobias, which he had named after his late father, not out of love, but because it gave him a distinct pleasure ordering around the drunken wanker, even if it was only in owl form.

Tobias quickly flew over, but before Severus could give him the letter, Tobias pecked him on the finger, indicating that he wanted a treat first, before his journey; rolling his eyes, Severus then went into the kitchen and picked an owl treat out of the box, giving it to Tobias, before waiting for him to finish it. Sighing again, he thought to himself, 'This is completely, utterly pointless really, even if Lily is willing to become acquaintances with me, knowing that I am a Death Eater, that's the best I can really hope to achieve if I send this letter. I really would give anything if it would win her heart, but...'

Severus then paused, ignoring Tobias, who was apparently ready for his task, thinking to himself furiously. If he sent this letter, that was it; he would be giving up on Lily once and for all, no take-backs, and Potter would have her. Really, as much as the things he had gotten from being a Death Eater had seemed good to him when he was in school, they had paled in comparison to how Lily's mere friendship had made him feel, and going on without that seemed only a half-life to him...

Standing up, Severus started to pace, biting his lip as he thought furiously, while his owl, having grown impatient, had flown back to his perch where he sat most days, being about as lazy as the original Tobias had been. The problem had grown rather simple: he wanted Lily, best friend or more, whatever the cost to him, but even if he gave up the Death Eaters, in all likelihood Potter would keep him as far away from Lily as possible.

This meant that, to gain Lily back, Potter would have to be dealt with, which would be an easy task, as he could simply kill him and hide the body, if it weren't for the facts that he owed Potter a Life-Debt and, quite frankly, he didn't fancy the prospect of actually killing someone, even if it was for Lily. As killing him wasn't an option, Severus' job was far more difficult, and would probably involve a lot of risk.

'I can't hope to get Lily's friendship, let alone love, if she is married to Potter, so I will have to stop them from marrying somehow, no easy task; while Potter was cruel and malicious to me, he was in all likelihood just perfect to Lily, and I SERIOUSLY doubt that he would have been foolish enough to have an affair...'

Severus spent nearly an hour pacing, coming to the conclusion that his best chance, which would be EXTREMELY risky to him, would have no better than maybe a five percent chance at working, and in order to take this chance, he would have to give up on the Death Eaters and guarentee that, if he lost, Potter would make sure that he never saw hide nor hair of her again.

As such, he picked up the original letter and was about to send it off, knowing that a half-life was better than what would probably be no life at all, when he paused suddenly, remembering the last time he had made a decision like this, outside the portrait hole to Gryffindor after the incident down by the lake after O.W.L.s. Rather than telling Lily the reason that he thought she was different was because he loved her, which might have, perhaps, gotten him another chance with her, to win her, he had chickened out, not wanting to be completely destroyed by her rejection.

Even now, he regretted not confessing his feelings to her then, as it had caused him to live this pathetic half-life, always wondering what would have happened, rather than taking a chance and risking it all to win her. It would be almost as bad as dying in Severus' eyes if he made the same choice a second time...

He suddenly remembered a muggle saying that his father had taught him, one of the few things the man had said that Severus had honestly thought might be worth remembering, a quote from an old english playwright, _"Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once."_; at the time, it had made him think of reckless Gryffindors, but now he understood the point: there was a difference between risking everything to get something of great value and risking one's well-being for nothing of importance.

To Severus, Lily Evans was everything, meaning more to him than anything in the world; he would give up everything he owned if it meant the chance to hold her in his arms, smile with her, and perhaps marry her, as without her, the world was just too dark to contemplate. Severus then smiled, having reached his conclusion...

Tossing the original letter into the fire without a backwards glance, Severus then apparated into Diagon Alley, knowing that what he needed to buy for this to have the slightest prayer of working would drain his bank account.

Quickly buying what he needed, Severus then apparated back home and began composing a new message, taking time to make sure that it was as even and calm as possible, knowing that frantic begging and pleading would get him nowhere with her, and that cold logic was his best bet, even if what he were doing was not logical at all.

Spending several hours on the letter, knowing that persuading her to even consider what he was asking was a long-shot, Severus made sure that every line, every word, every syllable was perfectly tailored towards his goal, then he prepared the package he was about to send, being extremely careful given how much he had paid for it. Even though that part required great care as well, he was soon finished.

Smirking, he called for Tobias again; although the bird was still clearly angry about how he had been treated the first time, Severus eventually persuaded him, giving him both the letter and the package to take to Lily. Completely exhausted, Severus then went to sleep, knowing that it would be several days before the owl arrived, considering that Lily was currently living in the Potter Mansion with her future husband, so he had plenty of time tomorrow to talk to Dumbledore and make him his offer to join the Order.

Severus then chuckled, knowing that, in all likelihood, he had signed his own death warrent for no reason, but not caring, as he now felt at peace for the first time in years. Either he would win Lily Evans' heart, or he would die trying. 'Win or lose, I will truly only taste of death but once...Besides, at least it will light a fire under James Potter's bulbous behind like no other!'

**Author's Note: **Severus may seem very much out of character, but the way I view it, upon hearing of Lily's upcoming wedding to James, he had two options: give up (for all intents and purposes), or go for broke. While the majority of the time, Severus would probably give up rather than risking himself like this, in this AU he has come to the conclusion that, for him, giving up would be almost as bad as dying.

In simple terms, giving up is effectively a lose-lose situation, while going for broke is win-lose; what idiot would choose the former when he could get the latter? As such, Severus, feeling he has little to nothing left to lose, has decided to gamble with everything he has left, praying for a lucky roll of the dice, not because he is being foolish, but because he is being pragmatic.

Will he succeed? Maybe, maybe not, but, even if he loses, he will at least have the blessing of knowing he tried his best, and understanding that it just wasn't meant to be, not in that time-line at least. Like the title says (Translated): 'In understanding, peace'.

I would also like to thank the beautiful work by ApollinaV, the writer of 'The Gilded Cage', which gave me the idea for this, as well as the title, in the form of a book written by Severus while still in Azkaban. (It is a SSHG fanfic with a fair quantity of lemons, but it is really, REALLY good nonetheless, so if you have any interest in that ship, I STRONGLY encourage you to check it out, assuming that you don't mind explicit citrus).


	2. Selfishness For The Good Of All

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 2**

**Selfishness For The Good Of All**

_I shall be your tool and you shall be mine..._

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

Severus walked through the entrance hall to Hogwarts slowly, reminiscing on his past there with each step; one thing he couldn't claim, in spite of how frequently painful it had been, was that his life in Hogwarts was boring. Over to his right in that abandoned classroom, he had spent most of an entire week with Lily, working on perfecting a potion, while in the alcove on his left he had, for the first time, seen her kissing Potter , midway through seventh year.

He paused as he remembered what that had made him think: that Lily had finally realized, as he had always known she would, that Potter was a better choice than him, Severus Snape, being richer, better-looking and having more friends. Because of that, as well as his great desire to see Potter on the other end of a _Cruciatus _or two, he had joined the Death Eaters almost as soon as term was over, feeling that this was the only way that Lily would see that he might be worth considering over Potter.

Severus then chuckled, thinking to himself as he walked up to the Headmaster's office, 'It's ironic, I always thought that Lily was being naive with her silly objections to the Death Eaters merely because they had killed some people; after all, we-they were fighting a war, so of course people would die, and it made sense that some Muggleborns would be targetted, considering how they all supported Dumbledore and the Ministry...'

Severus' attitude towards that subject had changed abruptly after his first Death Eater revel; while he believed that, in true wars, some of the niceties had to be sacrificed, and he understood that torture, blackmail, and other things like that might sometimes be necessary to win, there was a big distance between what he believed and what the Death Eaters were doing.

There was no point in torturing someone who had nothing to offer you, and why bother with taking the time to torture someone to death? If they really, truly needed to die, hit them with the killing curse; it wasn't necessary to drag it out until they begged for death. Even if that had had SOME point, somewhere, Severus couldn't even begin to understand the strategic logic of rape, which had frequently been painful and public at the Death Eater revels, with the Death Eaters gloating about Muggleborns finally being put in their proper place, something which made no sense to him considering how much they had claimed to hate the idea of Muggleborns to begin with.

'In all honesty' Severus mused, 'if it weren't for all of the friends that I had in the Death Eaters...and the cost of leaving, I don't think that, in spite of the power I had gained, I would have been able to stay in for much longer...' Severus' thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the fact that, without paying attention, he had already made it to the Headmaster's office. As much as he needed to prove to Dumbledore that he was on his side, he didn't particularly want him to know the reasons for his change, as he suspected that Dumbledore wouldn't be too impressed by 'Without joining the Order of the Phoenix, I can't keep my best friend, let alone try to steal her from the man she is engaged to!'.

As he knocked on the door, he heard Dumbledore saying with his usual air of omniscience, "Come in and sit down, Mr. Snape."

Severus swallowed, then walked inside, noticing that Dumbledore had already prepared a squashy chintz armchair for him to sit in, right in front of the man's desk. Forcibly quelling his nervousness, Severus went over to the chair, then sat down, uncomfortable as it was far different from the straight-backed chairs he normally preferred, giving him little support. After spending several minutes trying to get himself situated properly, much to the amusement of the Headmaster, based on the twinkle in his eyes, Severus finally managed to get to the point that he no longer felt like he was sitting on a waterbed.

Finally, Dumbledore said, a touch of curiosity in his voice, "Mr. Snape, what brings you to Hogwarts two months ahead of your appointment? Your Floo-call didn't say what made the change of time for the meeting so urgent."

Severus paused, thinking about how to phrase his words carefully, then said delicately, "I have recently found myself...reconsidering some of my life's decisions, and I felt that you might be able to...assist me in my new path..."

Although the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes hadn't changed, Severus could tell that he understood what he had meant; however, Dumbledore, to his credit, didn't even bother to to waste time confirming his suspicions, clearly knowing what Severus was talking about, and merely said, "Is that so, Mr. Snape? And, how do you want me to help you?"

Severus barely managed to stop himself from taking a deep breath, symbolic of the plunge he knew he was about to take, then said with the same calmness he had been trying to keep in his voice, "Headmaster Dumbledore, I know that you are the leader of a group, the 'Order of the Phoenix', and I would like to join this group if at all possible, in addition to accepting your offering of a position as Potions Master..."

Dumbledore sat up and gave him a deep, penetrating look, then said simply, "Mr. Snape, why would you be interested in joining? I understand that you were rather...eager to join the ranks of Voldemort's followers, so what has changed to make you reconsider?"

Severus paused, thinking to himself; he had two choices: he could tell the truth, or at least a half-truth, or lie. While he had generally made it his policy to tell the truth, he didn't think that the truth would impress Dumbledore all that much. After all, telling him that the primary reason he had changed sides was because he regretted that he had lost a girl's friendship and wanted to win that, and possibly more, back while destroying her possible future marriage with Potter wasn't the best reason, and he knew that Dumbledore would be disgusted with him for telling him that. However...

In the end, Severus forced an almost-polite smile, then said frankly, relishing the widening of Dumbledore's eyes as he continued, "My reasons are utterly selfish, to gain the trust of a girl through joining her side so that I might become her best friend again, perhaps winning her heart in the process; mind you, I can't say, now that I know how bad my...current allies can be, that I am all that interested in their side, and would probably have chosen a different side in the first place had I known that from the beginning, but that isn't the reason that I am changing sides. However..."

Severus then continued, his smile growing slightly vicious as he remembered a weakness of his verbal opponent, "...You cannot deny that your position, as it is, is completely untenable, and that you have found yourself greatly in need of manpower... I might not be the best of men, nor am I interested in joining for the 'right' reasons, but I would be willing to make an Unbreakable vow as to my loyalty, and I am indeed a powerful wizard, who would be very valuable to your cause..."

Albus Dumbledore, although his aged visage didn't reveal it, was more than a little shocked; while he couldn't read the thoughts of the man sitting before him, thanks to Snape's apparent skill in Occlumency, what he had said had the ring of truth, simply due to the fact that no-one would ever bother to craft such a lie. The man was indeed right about the selfishness of his motives, but frankly, few people ever risked their lives out of completely altruistic goals; even he himself was fighting partially to redeem himself for his past mistakes, rather than completely for the 'Greater Good'...

Moreover, even though Snape's motives weren't necessarily good, they were pure, and he was clearly sincere about his intentions, given Snape's willingness to take an Unbreakable Vow, something that none of the other Order members had had to, in order to show his intentions. Lastly, he was certainly right about his value to the cause, even if it wasn't likely to be quite what he had anticipated...

Severus shifted uneasily, although he tried to mask it as discomfort due to the bloody armchair, as he waited for Dumbledore to make his response known; finally the man said calmly, "I will accept your offer to join the Order Of The Phoenix, Mr. Snape, and, as you yourself suggested, I would like you to make an Unbreakable Vow as a show of your loyalty to the cause, but I do not want you to leave the ranks Voldemort's followers..."

As Severus' eyebrows raised almost to the top of his forehead, against his own volition, Dumbledore continued with the blasted twinkle fixed back firmly into his eyes, "...I would you like to remain there as a spy on him on our behalf, obviously not telling anyone. Is this acceptable to you?"

Severus, frowning heavily, thought quickly to himself as he tried to deal with Dumbledore's little surprise, although he could understand his point of view; still, it was quite annoying for his plans, unless...Finally, Severus' frown turning into a smirk, he said, "I have two conditions of my own, prior to agreeing: firstly, I would like permission to tell Lily Evans about our agreement, which you will confirm if she asks you, and secondly, I would like you to agree not to get involved with my attempts at winning my friendship with her, and possibly more, back, whatever they might be...Do we have a deal?"

Albus frowned, looking rather coldly at the man; normally, he would draw the line at this, as he knew that Lily Evans was happy with James Potter, the man she was engaged to, at least from what he had heard, and it sounded like Snape intended to break them up in order to take the girl for himself, but...quite frankly, this was the sort of break the Order needed to fight against the Death Eaters on more even terms. In all honesty, while he hated what this might lead to for the couple, and hated being at least partially the cause, Snape's offer of joining the Order as a spy was too important to the greater good to say no.

Finally, disgust audible in his voice, Dumbledore said, "Very well, Snape; I agree to your terms. We shall let my phoenix, Fawkes serve as the binder to the ritual..."

Some time later, Severus was preparing to leave, when Dumbledore said, some anger audible, "I may have agreed to your terms, but I must say that I am appalled that you plan lying to Miss Evans in order to steal her from her future husband...Now, I believe that we are done here, Snape..."

Severus prepared to leave, but paused for a moment, saying calmly and with a slight smile of amusement, "You misunderstand me yet again, Headmaster, I have no intention of lying to Lily, not now, and not ever again..."

As he left the headmaster's office, Severus completed his thought in his own mind, grinning to himself, '...After all, Dumbledore, like you said when I asked for permission to tell Lily about Lupin's being a Werewolf, _"The truth can be a beautiful and terrible things..."_. I have no intention of deceiving Lily in any way; why lie when the truth can be so...devastating?' He then shuddered, thinking to himself about what he had told Lily about his intentions, '...Even if it is nauseatingly...gooey, some of the time...'

**Author's Note: **I do hope that Severus was quite in character in this chapter; when I was writing it, I thought to myself, 'what if Severus had been the one who held all the bargaining chips', and this came to me. As both he and Dumbledore admitted, his motives are far from altruistic, but is it better to be honest about not being altruistic, or to lie in order to make oneself look better?

As a matter of fact, that is a question that leads to a major, defining theme of this fic: if one is happy living in a dream, is it better if one is never woken?

If you are wondering at Dumbledore's sudden change in attitude towards the end of the chapter, I think that it is perfectly understandable, as he hadn't realized up until that moment exactly who Severus was referring to. While this story may end up very AU-ish in the end, the beginning is most assuredly cannon, so Lily IS indeed perfectly happy with James...at least, for now...


	3. Love And Truth

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 3**

**Love and Truth**

_Would you like to know the truth, whatever the cost?_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"Uuuaaahhh!" Lily Evans yawned as she sat up, blinking, having just been woken up by the creaking door; looking around, she saw James Potter, her fiance, hunting through the closet outsider her room minus shirt, mumbling to himself.

Sighing, Lily said testily, "James, you know that I like to sleep in on Friday; unlike you, its my day o-uaaaah-off." Yawning out the last bit, Lily squinted through bleary eyes and saw James pulling something out of the closet, then he put on a dark blue shirt, before looking over at Lily and smirking, saying teasingly,

"Sorry, Lil', I didn't mean to do it! Still, isn't it nice to wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed?"

Glaring at him, Lily hurled a pillow, which came within an inch of knocking his glasses off as it whizzed through his eternally messy hair, messing it up even more. Chuckling, her husband-to-be then said brightly, smirking still, eyes alight with mirth, "Besides, this gives us a chance to have breakfast together for once! Now, go make us some eggs, little lady!"

Growling, Lily got up and padded over to the kitchen, muttering under her breath; she couldn't say that she didn't like the idea of having breakfast with James, for once, but she hated how, whenever both of them were available to cook a meal, he always had her do it. Growing up, she had never much cared for cooking, and she still didn't enjoy it very much.

Nonetheless, she soon had fried up the two of them some eggs and bacon, and poured them a couple glasses of orange juice while James finished dressing himself, throwing on a set of Auror robes. Glancing at the food and sighing happily, James quickly dug into them and said, chuckling, "These are really good, Lily. Well-cooked!"

Rolling her eyes as she ate the somewhat-burnt bacon, Lily said, hoping to change the subject from cooking, "So, James, how are things going over in the Ministry? Any leads on any of you-know-who's Death Eaters? I heard from Molly Weasley that they've been really busy lately, at least according to her husband..."

James' smile slipped into a frown, and he said with a grimace, recalling all the paperwork that he had done over the week past, "Unfortunately, not only is Molly right, but we haven't managed to catch even one of them; it's driving Barty mad!" He then remembered something and said casually, "By the way, I just wanted to let you know that I'm probably going to be home pretty late tonight, working late with Sirius, you know?"

As Lily's face fell slightly, James felt a slight pang of guilt, as he was actually planning on spending the night at this bar down in Diagon Alley with the rest of the Marauders, but he had lied as he knew that Lily had permanently vetoed that particular bar after one of the serving women, part-veela, had given him name and address, in front of Lily, while he and Lily were kissing each other. James had no interest in the woman of course, although Sirius had a massive crush on her, but Lily had told him never to go back to that bar again.

Eyes downcast, Lily then said quietly, "Alright then, I guess that I'll get a head start on my work then tonight, and maybe we can do something together tomorrow instead..." Lily said the last part while glancing back at him with a small, sad smile.

Feeling even more guilty as he remembered how they had planned to spend the night together, watching a Muggle movie, James vowed to take Lily someplace really fancy when they went out tomorrow. He then said with a smirk, "That sounds perfect, Lil', it'll be very romantic, trust me."

Smiling again, although it still seemed a little bit forced, Lily hugged him, then gave him a peck on the cheek, saying cheekily, "It had better be, Mr. Potter! The Ministry might be covering your sorry behind today, but tomorrow, you're mine!"

Suddenly, through an open window, a snowy owl flew in, ungracefully flying just past James' orange juice, leaving a single feather exactly in the center of James' orange juice. Frowning, James looked up and saw the owl carrying a large package, perhaps a few feet tall and a couple feet wide. Hooting in James' direction, the owl lazily dropped it at the edge of the elm kitchen table, almost hanging slightly over the edge, then raised its eyebrows disdainfully at him for a moment, before flying on top of the refrigerator, almost seeming to laugh at him.

Meanwhile, as James was trying to decide who that owl reminded him of, Lily picked up the letter that the owl had left on top of the package; reading her name as the addressee, she instantly recognized the handwriting as coming from Severus and smiled slightly. She then heard James say, "Hey, are you going to open that letter, or just stare at it all day?"

Realizing that she had been staring at the envelope for nearly a minute straight, Lily tore her eyes away from it, before saying with a smile, glancing guiltily over at James as she did so, "Its alright, it's just from someone I wasn't expecting to write me that's all."

Still keeping a close watch on the snowy owl out of the corner of his eyes, James wondered who it was from and was about to ask, when he suddenly remembered that he was almost late for work as it was. Giving Lily a chaste kiss on the lips, James then Apparated to the Ministry, arriving right on time, with not a second to spare almost appearing on top of Sirius.

Right as James was saying hello to Sirius at the Ministry, Lily slowly opened the envelope and read the letter, her face going through several emotions as she did so; first she smiled brightly, then she stopped smiling and glared at the letter, then she cocked her head quizzically as she looked at it, and finally she frowned, before looking over at the package.

Lily decided to re-read the letter, wanting to make sure that she wasn't mistaken about what Severus had written, but first she took care of the owl, feeding him an owl treat while petting his glistening plumage; Lily had to fight a smile as, just like Severus when he was complimented, the owl looked rather embarrassed by the attention. Finally, she told the owl to head back to Severus, as she would be a bit in replying.

After Severus' owl flew away, Lily smiled slightly, admiring his choice of owl, then returned to the letter with a frown; it read:

_Dear Lily,_

_I am...glad that you have owled me after so long, but I want to ask for something that is far more than acquaintances: I wish for us to be best friends again, like we were up until the...incident. I have made some decisions...that I admit were long overdue._

_As it turns out, you were wrong about me then, and yet you were right as well. I did end up joining the Death Eaters, much as you predicted, but I also ended up leaving them after I discovered what they truly were like, and I am currently in the process of joining the Order of The Phoenix..._

_I...I don't want to deceive you; I didn't just leave the Death Eaters because I felt it was the right thing to do. In fact, it wasn't even the main reason; my main reason was because I felt that a life spent without the girl who I always called my best friend wasn't living. I admit, I was...afraid to die should I have left sooner, as the Dark Lord kills traitors even slower and more viciously than Muggleborns. However, I feel that it was a price worth paying, if I can merely spend time with you again..._

_I know that you sent me a Wedding invitation, and, if it should occur, I might even attend it. I would even...congratulate you, even considering that it is the man I shall hate eternally, James Potter, if I felt that he truly deserved you, and that you and he would truly be happy together._

_However, I don't feel that he deserves you, and I intend to prove it to you; I believe that, while you might have seen the best of him, easily understandable considering that is what he always tries his best to show you, you have not seen the worst of him, and that bothers me very much. On the other hand, you have always claimed that he does have his good side, which he has never shown me before. I am admittedly scoffing at the very possibility that he has a good side, much as I am sure you remember, but I would like to have the chance to prove you wrong, and offer you the same._

_I won't deny that part of the reason for my dislike of him might conceivably be based on selfish motives, as you were the first and only person I have cared for or loved in any real way, and I am and have always been afraid that he will take you away from me, but I also do this for unselfish reasons. _

_I truly do not believe that Potter has shown you his darkest self, and his worst flaws; I also truly believe that if you knew them, you would not choose him to be your husband. Most of all though, I do not believe that he can make you happy. There is the possibility, however miniscule, that I am wrong, and that would make me...somewhat happy, but there is also the possibility that I am right._

_I would like the chance to both test this and repair our friendship; could we meet at where we first met to do so? If you agree to both of these, bring the pensieve in the package that I sent you when you come; on the other hand, if you do not want to find out, deciding to trust into faith and closing your eyes and ears to the possibility that you are wrong, merely come without the pensieve, and we shall never speak of it again._

_I'll admit...you might not wish to come, not even to become friends again, and that you might even decide that you don't want to see if I am right or not, but then again, you never were a coward; as such, I have faith that you will be brave and make the correct choice in your choice of husband._

_I...also want you to know something else, Lily; regardless of which choice you make, know that...I will always love you._

_They say that we underwent a 'parting of the ways', but I believe that, even though we might have lost each other on the 'road of life', that we can still find one another again, if we merely desire to do so...Do not make your decision based on mistakes made long ago..._

_Yours Always,_

_Severus Snape_

Lily frowned, thinking to herself furiously; on the one hand, she did admit that she probably didn't know the dark side of her fiance quite as well as Severus did, but on the other hand, he would likely choose memories that were quite one-sided in his attempt to prove her wrong. Still, the chance to prove Severus Snape, the man with a thousand sarcastic comebacks, wrong was something that only came along once in a lifetime...

Gritting her teeth, she opened the package with her wand, wherein a pensieve that Severus must have lightened for the flight stood; staring at it, Lily decided that, if she were to go to the playground and talk with him, she would bring it with her, as she always hated when Severus had called her a chicken.

As for the question of whether or not she wanted her best friend again...she had sent that letter to him partially because she didn't know if he had become a Death Eater or not.

If he hadn't, then she had intended to apologize to him profusely, and ask for his forgiveness, as, even though she hated to admit it, there had been the possibility that she had been completely, utterly stupid when she had declared their friendship to be over. In his letter just now, he had admitted that he had become a Death Eater, but he had also agreed to change sides, mainly because he had wanted to be her friend again, admittedly, but he had said that he was changing sides nonetheless.

In the end, coming to her own conclusion, as always, Lily decided that it was at least worth hearing him out. Smirking slightly, she considered the irony of the fact that finally, after their friendship had been over for a couple of years, that Severus had finally admitted he cared for and loved her, something that she had wanted him to do verbally ever since they had turned eleven...

Laughing a little, Lily started to write her reply...

**Author's Note: **First of all, as to how James felt that it was OK to Lily, even though she is his fiancee, my OPINION is that a man who is capable of deceiving the girl he likes for at least a year and change about bullying her ex-best friend, as well as the fact that, regardless of whether or not he was involved in the planning of the Shrieking Shack prank, he certainly didn't tell her the whole story, is certainly capable of lying on much lesser cases.

Don't get me wrong, this James does certainly love Lily, and he will NOT be cheating on her at any point in this fic, but he is capable of lying to her if he thinks that things will be better off if he does.

Second, Severus' letter; it may seem out of character for him to be even remotely close to that reasonable about James, or this open, the reason is that he is trying to persuade her, and as such, he might be a bit understandably OOC. Also, while he is telling the truth for the LONG RUN, he is almost certainly editing out the half hour or more of cajoling it would take before he would admit James capable of anything good.

As for Lily's letter to Severus, remember that, until the end of book four, none of the Marauders knew for sure whether or not Severus was a Death Eater, although they suspected it; I would say that it is very possible that Lily, having doubts about being right, might offer to mend their bridges to some extent, assuming that she was wrong. In canon, this would lead to nothing, but in this instance, with Severus going for broke, the offer would be good.

Lastly, Lily is referring to non-romantic love when she refers to wanting Severus to admit it verbally since she was eleven. Regardless of who it is, I view Severus as the sort of person to be very stingy with VERBAL demonstrations of love of any form, afraid to admit it to anyone, but very, VERY willing to demonstrate it through his actions.

As for what will happen to Severus and Lily's friendship...you'll have to wait and see...


	4. Reunion

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 4**

**Reunion**

_I might follow the rules, but I have absolutely no intention of playing fair..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

As Severus sat on a dingy, wooden bench off to the side of the old park, ignoring the chatter of the kids who were using the playground equipment, he pondered how exactly to work Lily over, so to speak, in order to convince her that Potter didn't deserve her; it would be easy enough to simply show him some of his worst memories of the arrogant prat, but Severus felt that being a bit more circumspect would help his cause immensely.

Besides, while ripping Potter right out of Lily's heart was second in his mind only to his desire to be her best friend, and hopefully more, again, it WAS still second to it. Even though he had changed sides, and confessed his feelings to her, that didn't mean that becoming her best friend again would be quite that simple, so it was best to show her that he was doing this not entirely for his own selfish reasons, even if they were the main part of his motivation...

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice Lily's presence until she had sat down beside him, a little further away than he would have liked, but closer than he had expected. Startled, he had difficulty containing his surprise to a mere shiver, as he turned to look at her, blushing slightly while drinking in her features.

Severus could tell that she wasn't exactly dressed to impress, but then again, this wasn't really a date so that was alright. Lily was dressed in a green t-shirt and jeans, both of which were loose enough to be comfortable, but not enough to hide her figure; she had a slender build, with a rather small chest for her age, although he knew that some women would kill to have a waist like hers.

He was pretty sure that she had been working, considering that it was about the normal time for a lunch-break, and Lily had her hair in a simple ponytail, rather than letting it down. Severus' heart then skipped a beat as he looked at her vibrant face smiling at him, which he had been deprived of seeing for nearly two years now, since they had left Hogwarts, and even then it was aimed elsewhere.

While Severus was checking out his ex-best friend, Lily was doing the same to him; he still wasn't anything to write home about in physical appearence, but apparently leaving Hogwarts had been good for him, as his hair was no longer all that greasy, and he was only somewhat pale and thin now rather than skin-and-bones like he had been then.

Severus was dressed in a fairly nice pair of dark brown pants and a black button-down shirt, as befitting the Muggle playground wherein they had agreed to meet, neither of which did much to either conceal or enhance his build which, like when they were in school, was neither incredibly muscular nor weak, but merely average.

Still, what made people stand up and take notice wasn't his appearence, but rather the aura Severus projected, one of hard-earned brilliance coupled with no small amount of insecurity. Said aura was now enhanced by an almost zealous certainty of purpose, of which that she hadn't seen on him in years, and not just because they hadn't been friends for much of that time; glad to see it again, Lily smiled as he, finished with his own inspection, turned his face toward hers.

Lily then paused, not quite knowing how to start the conversation, when Severus said conversationally, "So...apart from planning to marry Potter," he said the word with the same loathing that he had used it with ever since their second year, then continued in the same calm tone that he had been using beforehand, "...how have you been doing lately? I mean, I haven't seen nor heard much of you in over a year now."

Lily shrugged, saying nonchalantly, even though she couldn't keep from smiling, "I became a Potions Mistress last year, and am currently supplying St. Mungo's with the potions that they use for the Spell Damage ward..." She paused for a moment, enjoying herself as Severus' face, although usually adept at concealing his emotions, smiled slightly as he nodded in approval. Both of them knew that being a potions supplier for St. Mungo's was no mean feat, as they were notoriously strict about the quality of their suppliers.

Lily then said, taking a quick look around after drawing her wand from her jean's pockets and nonverbally casting Severus' own _Muffliato_, "...Also, like you, I have joined the Order of the Phoenix, although in a different capacity from what Dumbledore says." She gave him a wink and did nothing to disguise the pride in him that was in her voice because of his choice to change sides, as she knew that being a spy was a far more dangerous job than anything that she was likely to do in the process of normal combat.

She then said, putting her hand on his shoulder, "And you? Apart from joining both the good guys and the bad guys in under two years flat, what have you been up to?"

Severus, enjoying the feel of her hand on his shoulder for the first time in years, paused for a moment, before saying with a smirk, gloating slightly "Well, like you, I became a Potions Master, but I did it just over a year ago..."

Severus then basked in the glare he received from Lily because of that statement; the two of them had always been quite competitive in school, mainly because they had always been guarenteed to make the top three of any class they were in on account of their sheer drive and work ethic. In particular, both before and after their friendship had ended, the Potions classroom had been one of their main war-zones, so him getting his Mastery before she did had to be a rather painful blow.

After a few seconds of this, Severus continued, "...Other than that, my father finally kicked the bucket, thanks to his liver" He then said with a swallow, bitterness audible in his voice, "...and I've regretted the end of our friendship at least thirty times a day..."

As Lily looked down, guilt etched on her face as her smile faded, Severus decided to change the subject, as he knew that this was the wrong time to bring it up, and said, forcing calmness, "In any case, did you bring the Pensieve?" As Lily nodded, before showing him the lightweight version, which she had apparently shrunken in order to fit it in her pocket, Severus stood up, saying, "Let's go over to our spot; it would be...foolish if we were to use it here."

As she followed him, Lily thought about what Severus had said, both now and in the letter; she herself had regretted the ending of their friendship in that way many a time. Although she had been considering it prior to the incident by the lake, not wanting to have to watch her friend join the Death Eaters, who even then had had a bit of a dark reputation, Lily had planned to wait until the summer, then give Severus an ultimatum, telling him that it was either her or the Death Eaters.

However, in the wake of the incident, Lily had been hurt badly by what Severus had done and, feeling that he had made his choice by the lake and lashing out in order to hurt him, ended the friendship on the spot. After the anger had gone away, leaving behind only pain, she had regretted the way it had been done, but had been unwilling to go and try to work things out, especially after he had started spending more and more time with his future-Death Eater buddies, seeming to confirm her choice.

Suddenly, Severus said with an air of anticipation, "Now then, how do you want to go about doing this? Our proving each other wrong, that is. If we each try to show everything that makes us like Potter or think he's scum, we could be at this for months, and I doubt that either of us have that much time."

Severus then waited for Lily, who was clearly very thinking very carefully about it, to respond; he, of course, had absolutely no intention of playing fair, as he doubted that anything that she could show of Potter could persuade him that the scumbag was a good person, but it was good to pretend that he was doing this with an open mind.

Besides, he had three objectives in this, although they differed in priority: he wanted to regain their friendship, to win her heart, and to remove Potter as a factor. Although the pensieve would probably be enough for the third objective, he would need to do something else if he wanted to succeed at the first two...

As he mused, Lily had apparently come to a conclusion and said, authoritatively, "I think that we should each limit ourselves to a certain number of memories, and show them some time apart from each other, giving ourselves time to digest the implications, you know? How about five memories each, and we look at two memories each week? We will be having the wedding in about six weeks, so that should be plenty of time."

Thinking quickly, Severus decided that it would be quite agreeable, as it would guarentee him a minimum of ten chances to spend time alone with her, which would be invaluable in giving him opportunites to rebuild their relationship, so he said, "That sounds fine; how about the first two and a half weeks you show your memories, then I show mine over the next two and a half weeks?"

After careful consideration, Lily decided that this would give them both a good shot, even though it wouldn't be quite balanced, as it would be two and a half weeks of good, followed by what would probably be two and a half weeks of the 'James used to be a complete, rotten scumbag!' parade. Then again, in a fair and balanced agreement, Lily doubted that she would ever be able to convince Severus of anything, so she said, holding out her hand for him to shake, "That sounds excellent; mind giving me three days to choose my first memory?"

Severus nodded, then gave her a quick, smooth handshake, which had a weird effect on her, as usual, because, while his hands tended to be cool, they always seemed to make her feel warmer when they touched her. Lily then said, awkwardly, still feeling his touch on her hand, "Well then, I guess I will see you Thursday, right Sev?"

He simply nodded, although she could tell that he was barely holding back some form of emotion, and Lily turned away, preparing to apparate, when Severus said quietly, rather thickly, "I'm glad that I made this choice, Lily; it was worth it..."

Knowing what he meant, obviously referring to the letter he sent, Lily, unwilling to look back at him because of the tears she could feel collecting in her eyes, on account of emotion-filled atmosphere, Lily said, sniffling slightly, "I...I'm glad too, and I hope that you never regret it, Sev."

Unwilling to spend anymore time there, lest the atmosphere get to her again, Lily quickly apparated back to her home, where she saw James relaxing, reading his newspaper on the couch; noticing that he hadn't washed the dishes yet, as he had promised to do when he got home, Lily mumbled under her breath, then cast a quick charm that would take care of them.

Turning around, she was met by James, who gave her a quick peck on the cheek, before whispering into her ear, rather sensually, leaving her weak in the knees, "Sorry about that, I was going to get those done after I finished; work was pretty rough today, so I wanted to give myself some time to relax."

He then kissed her, pulling her close by the waist as he sucked her lower lip into his mouth, causing her to moan, before pulling away, leaving her dazed, and saying with a grin, "So, Lil', how was your little meeting with your friend?"

Shaking herself to get back to some semblance of reality, Lily then said, smiling saucily at him, "Actually, it went pretty well; now, shut up, and let's get back to the other stuff!"

James frequently regretted how Lily had her little 'save it till marriage' policy, but she was certainly passionate at the other stuff, and it was certainly an excellent way to avoid having to argue about how he had, once again, forgotten to do the dishes...

**Author's Note: **I think that this chapter is fairly self-explanatory, so no explanations here. You'll just have to wait until the next chapter before things really get going=)...


	5. Flowers of Love and Sickness

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 5**

**Flowers of Love and Sickness**

_The first time he gave you a flower, eh?_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"So Sev" Said Lily, while putting the last bit of the memory she was using into the Pensieve, glancing nervously over at Severus at the same time, "Would it be OK if I narrated a little bit during the er...ride?"

Severus, leaning against a nearby tree trunk, arms crossed, would have appeared annoyed or bored to most people, but Lily could tell that he was very nervous, as he was glancing at the Pensieve every couple of seconds. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, but he gave Lily a faint gaze of appraisal before shrugging and saying crisply, although his slightly-shaking hands betrayed him, "It doesn't matter; I will likely be revolted regardless, whether or not you narrate.

Swallowing, Lily, hoping that this memory would get Severus to start changing his mind about James, as, while Sirius could be quite charming, he still wasn't nearly as close to her as he had been to Severus. Needless to say, it certainly would help if her soon to be ex-ex-best friend could get along with her future husband. As such, having a pretty good idea as to the stakes, she then said nervously, twisting some of the hair from her fringe around her finger, "Well then, let's start. On three...one...two...THREE!"

Remembering what Severus had told her, Lily pushed her head into the white-ish composite and...

_(AN: Henceforth, all actions taking place by the characters in the memory will be in Italics) _

_"Miss Evans, stop that infernal whinging at once!" Madam Pomfrey, glaring, said to the fourteen-year old girl lying in the bed beside her. The girl, Lily, was muttering under her breath constantly, and clearly the Medi-witch had had more than enough, as she then continued, "Miss Evans, if you do not stop immediately, I will be forced to use a Dreamless Sleep Potion!" _

Lily, viewing all this, Severus sitting beside her in one of the nearby beds, said with a grin, "I forgot how frazzled she was during her first few years, Sev; do you remember the time that-"

Severus shushed her, as a sound could suddenly be heard...

_Halting her constant grumbling, although still clearly displeased, Lily was surprised nonetheless as James Potter came rushing into the Hospital Wing, panting; upon catching sight of her though, he quickly walked over as Madam Pomfrey muttered something about having other things to take care of and, shutting the curtain, left them alone. _

_For a moment, shock covered Lily's face, then she said, suspiciously, "What do you want, Potter?"_

_Grinning boyishly, he said, chuckling as he sat beside her, right hand behind his back, "Aw, come on, Evans; I just came to wish you well, that's all!"_

_Giving him a piercing glare for a moment, Lily said slowly, inching away from him, "That's awfully...generous of you, Potter, thank you."_

_Shuffling a little closer, Potter said with a smirk, putting his hand to her's, "I even brought you flowers, just so that you would feel better; see, here!" And indeed, clutched in his right hand was three pink, equally-sized petunias, which Lily caused to emit a soft gasp at the sight of them..._

Lily then reminisced aloud, before saying with a smile, "It was the only time he actually brought me my favorite flower until seventh-year actually, when I told him aloud; until then he would always bring me red roses, save for this time."

Severus only said churlishly "Hmmph! Unlike him, who clearly didn't take the time to get to know you, I made sure to take the time to find out what flower you liked...", causing Lily to roll her eyes at him as the scene continued...

_Suddenly, the door opened, although neither of them could see it through the privacy curtain, and, although it wasn't quite audible, Madam Pomfrey could be heard talking to someone, who seemed to be responding with short, adbrupt answers, while James simply sat at Lily's side, telling her about how Sabrina Percival had tried, again, to ask Sirius out on a date, not succeeding unfortunately, causing her to laugh._

_Madam Pomfrey then said, just loud enough to hear, "Before you leave, Mr. Snape, Miss-"_

_As Madam Pomfrey was talking, the fourteen-year old Severus said impatiently, while walking closer"Yes, Ms. Pomfrey, I already KNOW that Lily's here, thank you!" He then said a bit louder, but more kindly, "Hey Lily, are you decent?"_

_As James made shushing noises, waving his hands to indicate a negative response, Lily glared at him for a moment, then said brightly, "Sure, Sev! Come on in!"_

_Severus opened the curtains, a worried expression on his face, his eyes widened as he looked straight at the flowers, then he turned his head, apparently noticing James, then said with a snarl, "What the? How dare!? You shouldn't-"_

Severus' own eyes widened, then he glared at the Potter in the scene, before muttering something under his breath, causing Lily to glance at him curiously...

_James then said calmly, glaring at Severus, "What? I just came here to visit a fellow GRYFFINDOR; what's your problem?" As Severus' mouth then seemed to work for several seconds without saying anything, James said with a smirk, "Some friend you are; you couldn't even take the time to bring her flowers or write her a card, while I did both!" As he spoke, he gave her a single get-well card, clearly store-bought._

_Meanwhile, Severus' eyes glittered with malice, then he said angrily, "You piece of-"_

_Lily, breaking into a sudden fit of coughing, broke up the argument, as Severus, hopped onto the bed on the opposite side of James while putting his hand on her shoulder tenderly. Severus then, eyebrows furrowed worriedly, said softly, "Lily..."_

_Clearly annoyed, James then said peevishly, glaring at him, "Get off the bloody bed; your clothes are all filthy. You'll probably infect her with something..."_

_Responding with his own, far more vicious, glare, Severus hopped off of the bed after quickly glancing down at his robes, the lower half of which were covered in dirt and grime. He then started rubbing her shoulder, and looked at her worriedly as her coughing increased, while James bit his lip anxiously, both clearly concerned..._

Severus swallowed as they both rose out of the Pensieve, remembering how Lily had gotten so ill that, panicking, he had made enough Pepper-up Potion that week to last Hogwarts for the rest of the year. Both he and Potter had put down their rivalry for that week in order to take care of her, although that was mostly because, while Potter was keeping her company in the Hospital Wing every day, just talking to her, he had been making enough medicinal Potions to handle anything that her fever might throw at her...

Severus then scowled; although Lily had hugged him tightly at the end of the week, thanking him profusely, that had been the start of what would eventually become friendship, and eventually 'love' between her and Potter. He was broken out of his bitter reminiscence when Lily then said quietly, "It really was awfully sweet of him to do that; I mean, until then I had basically treated him like a piece of garbage, even though he really did try to impress me, albeit in awfully poor ways..."

"I'll admit that how he made sure that you had...company during the week was awfully thoughtful" Said Severus grudgingly, "...but you cannot deny that he was quite the slimeball when we came to visit you! I mean, his gift was awfully pathetic..."

Narrowing her eyes, but trying to keep herself calm, Lily then said coolly, "I'll admit that the card WAS quite pathetic, considering that it was basically a Happy Yule card with 'I hope that you get well soon' written down on it, but the flowers were very nice indeed; he must have spent quite a while searching for them, considering how perfectly matched they were. After all, they aren't grown in the Hogwarts greenhouses, remember?"

For a moment, there was silence, as Severus looked at her strangely, then he smirked, before practically purring, leaning against a nearby oak tree, "I have to agree on you about that one; the flowers were awfully nice. In my opinion, they have been better than him and his friends bugging you all week, weren't they?"

Feeling confused and a tad guilty, as it was the man she was marrying that they were talking about, Lily admitted, "OK, you're right; his company during the week did get more than a little annoying at times. Half of the time it was basically the 'James Potter Radio Channel'..."She then smirked at him, before saying with a finger pointing triumphantly at him, "...but you cannot deny that the flowers were a great gift!"

Severus merely shrugged, smirk widening, then he said nonchalantly, "Yes, I will not deny that the flowers were a truly fantastic gift..."

Severus enjoyed how her face practically rippled with the emotions of surprise, confusion and suspicion; she had always had a very expressive face, and he had sometimes amused himself by arguing with her for no other reason than to see her face light up with anger, or give her a small gift just to see her grin widely, looking as if she were on top of the world.

Finally Lily said, unsurely, "Uh, right..."

Severus only chuckled lightly, quite pleased with himself...

Silence then fell for a few minutes, Lily not quite knowing what was up, and Severus enjoying watching her stew, trying to figure out exacly what he was up to...

Finally, Severus, smiling inwardly, said calmly, laying a verbal trap that he intended to make use of in the future, "On a offtopic, I was having a little debate the other day about this one topic with a friend of mine, and I was hoping that, even though it's been a few years, you wouldn't mind giving your own opinion..."

Lily shrugged, feigning nonchalance, but Severus could see the gleam of interest in the corner of her right eye and knew she was faking her disinterest, like had done so often when they were younger. Smirking again, he then nodded and said, "Well, this friend and I were talking about what makes doing something the 'right thing'; is it the motive for doing something or how you go about doing it?"

As Lily looked on in confusion, Severus continued, "For example, if I wanted to get money in order to help my daughter to pay for boarding school, solely because I loved her and wanted what is best from her, would it be alright if I were to steal..." He almost purred out the word, 'steal', "...money from poor, almost-starving family to pay for it?"

Lily thought about it for a few minutes, then said carefully, knowing that Severus had to be on this topic for a reason, "Generally speaking, I would say that, while the motive is rather important, how you go about achieving that goal is the most important thing, as if your method is a dark one, then it sometimes won't matter what your goals were. There are exceptions mind you, but I'd say that the means are most important..."

Severus nodded, then, changing the subject again, said, "Good point, I'll have to admit..." Lily waited for him to respond with bated breath, as she had always enjoyed her debates with him, as it was one of the few times that he would allow himself to get really into something; however, Severus then merely said, "Well, I've got to get going for now, Lily; I'll see you Sunday, right?"

Somewhat disappointed, as she sorely missed their arguments, which had frequently been the height of her day before their friendship had first ended, Lily then said, trying to pretend to be upbeat, "Uh...sure, but it'll have to be rather quick; my sister is celebrating her twenty-first birthday later that same day, and I don't want to miss it."

Severus nodded slowly, thinking carefully, then said as he prepared to depart, "I guess that I'll see you Sunday then..." He then paused for a moment, before saying, pondering aloud, "Sometimes I wonder though, does it matter if I am doing something good for my own personal gain, if it causes an overall benefit to others? Or is it more important to be doing 'something good' for the right reasons?"

Lily seemed to be trying to read his mind through his eyes, even though he could tell that she had never mastered leglimency. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as the breeze cooled them both down, then, deciding that it was best to leave before she asked him what he meant, Severus said softly "Goodbye, Lily...", before apparating away, already preparing to take advantage of another opportunity which had just unveiled itself...

Smirking, he walked quickly up the street of Privet Drive, smiling slightly, even though he hated places like it, where everyone and everything tried to be exactly the same...

'Hmm...my motives might be a tad selfish, as I am doing this in large part for my own benefit, but my goals and methods will be pure indeed..." He then smirked evily, before saying aloud, "I won't provoke him; I'll just give Potter just enough rope to hang himself..."

**Author's Note: **The age-old question: does it matter if someone has selfish reasons if they plan on doing the right thing anyway? It is actually quite relevant to this chapter and story, believe it or not...

For totalreader: in Severus' case, he feels that he is doing the right thing, but he isn't one to lie to himself, at least not consciously, although he can be mistaken ('cough' Harry 'cough'). In other words, he knows that a major part of his motives are to benefit himself, although that doesn't mean that he intends to hurt Lily...

As for my writing style, I try, but I still need a lot more practice...


	6. A Dance of Truth and Lies

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 6**

**A Dance of Truth And Lies**

_I doubt that he even knows what love means..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

Severus rolled his eyes again as he stood off to the side, pretending to be interested in watching everyone dancing; Minister of Magic Millicent Bagnold had played up the Ministry's Fall ball for weeks, hoping that it would build up morale and help her to keep her job, and even Severus had to admit that it was spectacular, and the Ministry had clearly spared no expense. More importantly though, most of the Ministry workers were required to attend, something which would help Severus with all three of his jobs.

The Dark Lord had assigned him, as well as Regulus Black and Justin Avery, to attend and see what they might be able to dig up, merely by listening to the oft-wagging tongues of the many gossiping Ministry workers. Conveniently, Dumbledore had also wanted him in attendance, for much the same reason, as well as to try and gather evidence that would prove his current partners to be Death Eaters. It was really too bad that one of the Death Eaters was Justin, as the two of them had been very good friends in school, especially after the incident by the lake...

Still, orders were orders, and if he failed to follow them, they would have very lethal consequences indeed; still, he had mainly focused on watching Regulus Black until he and Justin had left, three women following them, in order to...enjoy their evening. Right now however, Severus was busy listening to Sirius Black and James Potter talking, pretending that their inanity didn't bore him out of his skull, but glad as he could be almost certain that whatever they revealed would be trivial.

Ever since he had joined the Death Eaters, Severus hadn't exactly been the best at his job, which was generally information gathering and espionage, not because he couldn't, but because, while he hadn't changed sides until recently, that didn't mean that he was wildly supportive of the Dark Lord's maniacal objectives. As such, his performance was generally a bit...lackluster, although he had nabbed whatever opportunities he could find to move up in the ranks, as he figured that it might give him the ability to protect Lily if he were high enough ranked, just in case she were captured or something...

Speaking of Lily, he could see her off to the side, appearing to be having fun talking to some other women, now that she and Potter had danced; Severus used the word 'appearing' however because he could tell by the fact that Lily's hand was all but caressing the notebook she had in her left hand, and her smile was one of the fake ones that she had always used when she was bored out of her skull, but pretending otherwise.

In spite of her boredom, Severus couldn't help but admire her beauty, which was visible even from across the hall; she had let her hair down, hanging to her shoulders, and was dressed in forest green robes, which did a great deal to emphasize the best of all her beautiful attributes: her perfect, creamy legs. Although rarely touched, at least by Severus, they were so smooth that Severus wouldn't be surprised if, one day, the expression 'smooth as a baby's bottom' was replaced by 'smooth as Lily Evans' thighs'.

He would have gone over to give her some company, rescuing her from her boredom, but, even though he had concealed his face with a mild glamor, his voice was unchanged. As such, his being recognized by her wasn't likely to turn out well, considering the fact that Potter was in the room. Speaking of whom, Severus stiffened as he heard his most hated rivals' topic change suddenly and Black started whispering, in a tone that was low enough that Severus himself was surprised he could hear them.

"...James, I think that you are making a huge mistake; I mean, you really should tell Lily about, you know..."

"Don't worry, I'll tell her eventually; it's just that now isn't the right time. After all, we're getting married in a month's time..."

"James, even Remus gave you permission months-" Unfortunately, the rest of what Black was saying was inaudible to him, as Potter had apparently used Severus' own _Muffliato _spell, recognizable by the tell-tale buzzing noise, to give them some privacy, leaving Severus to his own thoughts. Almost snarling, he walked away as quickly as he could, wanting to leave the presence of those...beasts.

Eventually reaching a point that he was within earshot of Lily's table, if not in her line of sight, Severus watched her, remembering anew why he felt only a little bit of guilt for his attempt to break up the 'Golden Couple'. He knew that a large part of his reasons were selfish, like when he had chosen to change sides, but he also was CERTAIN that he was doing the right thing, as proven by the memory he had witnessed yesterday and what he had just heard over at Potter's table.

If it had been anyone else, save perhaps for Black, Severus probably wouldn't have even seriously considered breaking up that person and Lily, as he would have figured that Lily would truly love that person, and that person would be worthy of her. However, Potter was a different story, as he knew that there was no way that Lily could truly love him, if she knew the truth about him, because all that he was was a lying slimeball...

'Hmmph! Potter wouldn't know what 'true love' is if it bit him on his bloody belt-and-tackle! He just knows how to act and lie well, but I'm the only one who can see the truth... From beginning to end, his so-called love for Lily is nothing more than lies! The only person that Potter truly loves is himself...' Severus then sighed as he slipped back into remembrance of what he had seen yesterday. 'Lily was certainly right about those flowers being a truly beautiful gift...'

Severus then snarled, glaring back in Potter's direction and causing one of the couples nearby to move away quickly in surprise and fear, before roaring mentally, '...That's why I PICKED them for her!'

In hindsight it was mildly humorous, if one could get past the fury that it induced in Severus; back when the incident had occured in fourth year, he had been about to tell Lily where Potter had gotten the flowers, finally getting over his sheer apoplectic fury which had prevented him from speaking any more than gibberish. However, she had then started coughing and had quickly taken a major turn for the worse. After that, he had been so busy brewing potion after potion after potion, that he had, quite simply, forgotten the incident.

The only reason that he hadn't revealed the truth immediately after seeing the memory was because he felt that it would be better done by showing her when he revealed his own set of memories, as it would make a wonderful startoff point. Lost in reminiscing, Severus didn't notice that Potter had sat down by Lily until after he had started talking to her privately, the other people at the table having left some time ago...

"...Lil', are you doing alright over here? You've been doodling in that notebook for at least ten minutes..."

"James" Lily said patiently, although with a smirk on her face, "It's not 'doodling'; I'm working on improving the recipe for Blood-Replenishing Potions. If I can do that, then I stand a good chance at being able to sell my products to all of St. Mungo's rather than just the Spell Damage Ward. Besides, everyone here is just chatting about stupid stuff like boyfriends and clothes; don't they know that there's a war going on?"

Potter frowned, seeming to think for a moment, then said quietly, barely audible to Severus even though he had moved slightly closer to the two of them, "They all know, Lily; they are just trying to enjoy themselves for one night, before going back to the fighting and the dying, knowing that any moment might be their last..."

Lily replied, but Severus was too busy thinking about what Potter had said; it was surprisingly deep for an arrogant prat like him, and Severus had to, for once, admit that he approved of the sentiment. 'Of course, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so perhaps he is due...'

Suddenly, his musing was interrupted by Potter saying apologetically, "...Sorry, Lil', but I promised that I would go out with the guys tonight and have a bit of a drink, before we all crash at Sirius' place; I'll see you again tomorrow though, don't worry, and we can go out then, after your bint of a sister's party..."

Lily, mildly annoyed, said as she pointed out one of the windows, "James, it isn't even dark yet! Couldn't you stay for just a little bit longer?" She then frowned, even though Severus could see the corner of her mouth twitching, "And my sister's not a BINT!"

Potter chuckled, then said with a smirk, "Sorry Lil', but she is what she is, and the guys are already leaving, with or without me, so..."

Lily then said, pecking him on the lips as she sighed melodramatically, "I really hate you sometimes, James, you know that? I'll see you tomorrow then...and I hope for YOUR sake that you get your clothes right this time! My sister will KILL me if you come again with your TIE hanging out of your suit's POCKET!"

Potter laughed in response, then walked over to the rest of the Marauders, his purple dress robes flowing behind him, before they all disapparated with a quick pop, causing Severus to feel that his evening had brightened considerably, simply because he didn't have to worry about dealing with him.

Severus considered taking the opportunity to spend time with Lily, and he would very much enjoy doing so. However, his assignment had been to watch the partygoers during the afternoon, then report back to Dumbledore, finding out what he wanted Severus to say to the Dark Lord, then, after collecting his fellow party-watchers from whatever hovel they had decided to spend their evening in, tell him what Dumbledore wanted him to hear.

As such, he didn't have much time, so he settled for tapping Lily on the shoulder and saying, "Hello, Lily, how have you been?"

She turned around and looked at him in surprise, before saying hesitantly, "Severus? Is that you?"

He simply nodded, then asked quietly, "Yes it is, Lily, I've actually been standing over there" he paused while pointing lazily at where he had been standing prior to then, "for quite some time now; I would have stopped by to chat earlier, but it was necessary for me to remain incognito, and your fiance's breaking my nose for the eighth time would have made that rather challenging.

Lily chuckled for a moment, then said with a slight smile, "Now, Sev, I highly doubt that James would have broken your nose if he saw you in public..."

She then paused, before pulling out her wand from where she had been hiding it, in what could be described as a holster she always wore when she was wearing a dress, attached to her knees. Lily then cast a quick nonverbal _Muffliato_, beforesaying quietly, "...However, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you something, Severus; you told me why you changed sides, but never said why you joined the Death Eaters in the first place. Why was that?"

Severus looked away from her for nearly a minute, before responding in a voice that, for him, was strangely subdued, "Lily, I'll tell you, but not right now; I have to report to Dumbledore about what I saw, then to the Dark Lord..." He then paused, before saying, "...Just know that I wasn't doing it because I actually expected it to be that way..."

Severus then swallowed, before saying in a quiet voice, giving a slight, hollow smile, "You'd better get home; it's a full moon tonight and it can get very dangerous in the dark..."

Lily laughed, only for Severus to say quietly "I'm serious...", then quickly apparate away, worried because he knew of at least one danger that was outside in the dark, and he hoped that Lily wouldn't run into it...

**Author's Note: **I hope that this chapter explains why Severus is, in his own words, being so selfish; he knows that his motives are selfish, but he really, truely believes that James doesn't REALLY love her, nor does he think that James is worthy of her, especially now that his memory has been jogged. In simple terms, he believes that he is doing the right thing, if for the wrong reasons, and that is why he seems to feel no guilt. His attitude might change however, as the fic goes on and he sees James' better qualities...


	7. Reasons For Darkness

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 7**

**Reasons For Darkness**

_Had I known then what I do now, I would have certainly chosen differently..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

Lily looked around nervously upon arriving at her and Severus' spot. She hadn't intended to blurt out her question as to why he joined the Death Eaters when she saw him last night, but she had been wondering about his reasons ever since she had received his letter; given that in his letter he had claimed that he wasn't fond of the things they did, what could have possibly made him interested in them in the first place?

Unfortunately, while Lily had hoped to get the answer off of Severus then and there by making use of the element of surprise, it was too late to turn back now; he would probably have some form of reasoned answer prepared almost in speech form when he talked to her next. It was something that had always infuriated her about him during their original friendship, how he could dissect an issue to the point that he could make good look evil and vice-versa, depending on how it was looked at.

It was a trait that made debating with him very interesting, but at the same time it made it very difficult to win an argument against him; this was because any poor reasoning on her part would be utterly destroyed, leading to him ignoring the thrust of her argument. When topics didn't involve people, Severus was usually a very calm and logical person. and would insist on someone explaining why something would be true, rather than merely accepting that it was true...

As Lily was musing about this topic, she got so engrossed in her thoughts that she even missed Severus apparating right behind her, something that he decided to take advantage of by simply watching her. When she got well and truly focused on a topic, her eyebrows would knit like so and she would frown in a way that was just short of a pout; even though he was standing behind her, he could easily picture her face.

Smiling slightly at the thought, Severus then coughed to let her know that he was standing there. Unfortunately though, she hadn't been expecting it and all but shrieked as she spun around wildly, before falling down and landing on her bum. While he would never laugh at her, he couldn't suppress an amused snicker, which caused Lily to glare at him in anger and embarrassment.

After helping her up though, Lily asked quickly, clearly attempting to catch him off-guard, "So, Sev, why did you decide to join the Death Eaters? I mean, you said that it would be a bit of a long answer; why not start it now?"

Severus then sighed, and Lily waited for his answer with bated breath; this was something she had been wondering about ever since he had joined those monsters, and she was going to get an answer from him, whether he liked it or not. Finally, he said quietly, "Do you remember when you told me that my friends and I were all evil and going to become Death Eaters, and that was why you didn't want to be friends anymore?"

Lily nodded, eyes narrowing slightly, but Severus didn't seem to notice as he continued, "Well, you were both right and wrong about that, although not for quite the reasons you might think. I didn't want to become a Death Eater because of anti-Muggleborn propaganda. Mind you, I can't claim that my friends were of the same opinion, but I wanted to join the Death Eaters because I was absolutely certain that they were going to be the good guys in the coming war."

As Lily's eyes popped at that remark, Severus then looked at her with a self-mocking smile on his face, then said with a short, bitter laugh, "You see, Lily, the two of us were more similar than you might believe in reasoning; my friends cruelly attacked your friends, so you thought that they were evil. In comparison, your house-mates cruelly attacked me and my friends, so I thought the same thing, but in regards to your house-mates. I knew that war was coming, so I chose to be on the side of the 'good guys', and if I could get a little revenge on the side, so be it."

As Lily looked at him like she was both completely horrified and mildly intrigued, Severus continued his tale, deciding to tell her the completely sordid truth while trying to remain as calm as possible, "At the time, if you recall, the Dark Lord was still in the process of gathering followers and promising a better world for all; although he had some anti-Muggleborn policies, I thought that they were livable, and he really did have some good ideas for the government as a whold."

He then glanced at Lily, paused, then said quietly "Frankly, I found the ideas of his side much more tolerable than the hypocrisy of Dumbledore and his merry band of goonish thugs, and I was sure that you would eventually come to agree with me. In my dreams I even entertained the possibility of gloating while you were admiring me for realizing the right side before you did..."

Lily looked at him strangely, as she couldn't quite understand why he could even consider the Death Eaters as the good guys. 'Still,' She mused, 'he does have a point; after seeing what his friends did to mine I knew that they were bad news, and didn't even remotely consider the possibility. From his perspective, it might have been possible to see it that way, at least until the murders...'

As if he had read her mind, Severus continued while watching her carefully, as if she were a bomb ready to go off, "At first it really wasn't so bad, and only Order and Ministry members were being killed, which was no big deal really..."

As Lily's eyes narrowed, and she prepared to start shouting, Severus said sadly and with a hint of apology, "...Mind you, it was probably very painful for you, as they were your friends; however, to us they were our enemies in a war and had signed up, fully knowing what might happen to them. As such, in terms of right and wrong, their deaths didn't bother me much at all-"

Lily then slapped Severus and snarled, furious, "How can you say that, Severus!? Don't you remember Marlene Mckinnon!? What did she do to deserve dying like that, attacked in her own home, where she was supposed to be safe!? What if it had been m-"

Severus then interrupted her, saying flatly as he rubbed his bruised cheek, "Chelsea Avery."

As Lily looked at him in confusion, halting her rant, Severus continued in a tone of heated anger, "If you want to continue ranting about each and every death in this war, remember that our side has lost more lives than the entire bloody Order of the Phoenix combined, several times over. For example, Chelsea Avery died when her home was raided by the Ministry and she resisted arrest, getting killed in the ensuing fight. She was my girlfriend for going on a year and a half then, so don't think that only the Order has suffered in this forsaken war!"

Lily muttered an apology and put her hand on his shoulder in comfort, stroking it softly, while Severus fought against the choked-up sensation in his throat; admittedly, he hadn't cared for Chelsea in the same way that he did for Lily, but they had been fairly close. At the least, she had helped him survive without Lily, perhaps even live a little, and he would never forget her.

Swallowing, Severus then said quietly, almost whispering, "In hindsight, the Dark Lord was clearly acting like that primarily to accustom us to war and such though, as he soon started including noncombatants in his list of targets and allowed our fellows more and more free reign on their darker passions... Then he started holding these 'Revels', where torture, rape and painful deaths abounded for those we had captured..."

Lily could barely look at him as his eyes had a pleading quality to them that she hadn't seen since...THAT night. He looked at her desperately as he then continued, his voice begging her to not hate him, "Lily...if I had known that they were capable of that, I would never have joined; trust me in that! The deaths of the combatants were one thing, as they had chosen to risk their lives by fighting, but I would have never joined them if I had honestly thought that rape, murder, and the killing of random Muggles and Muggleborns was the objective!"

For one guilty instant, Lily almost felt like telling Severus 'I told you so!' and gloating, but that feeling was utterly quashed when she saw how his eyes widened with guilt and remembered horror as he watched her. As such, she said quietly and thickly, while putting her arms around him and drawing him slowly into a tender hug, "Don't worry, Sev, I believe you...I believe you... You wouldn't believe how horrified I was when I heard those rumors that you were interested in joining them; I was sure that you wouldn't have wanted to actually join those monsters."

As Severus looked at her in confusion, Lily elaborated with a sad smile, "When I first hinted to you about Mulciber and Avery and you didn't deny your interest, I was shocked that you would want to join such a clearly evil group; I never really considered it from your perspective though, not really. Like you were with the Order, I based my opinions on the Death Eaters solely on the people I saw who wanted to become members: Mulciber and Avery primarily..."

Severus slowly nodded, not knowing what else to do, before clearing his throat and mumbling out something that even he couldn't understand. Both of them stood there for a few minutes, just absorbing what they had recently heard, before Severus said with a mumble, "I...I guess we should have a look at that memory you mentioned earlier..."

Lily put her wand to her forehead for a moment, clearly relieved at the change of the subject, when she suddenly looked at her left wrist and sighed. Looking back at Severus, she said in a tone of relief, "Er, it appears that we spent more time dissecting that subject than I thought; I have to get ready for Petunia's birthday celebration...thing. Speaking of which," She added in a tone of curiosity, "why do you think that a grown, married woman like her is taking the time to have a birthday 'celebration'? I mean, she always hated birthday parties when she was sixteen..."

Severus seemed to think for a few moments, before saying with a smirk, "I have no clue, but I must say that I will be forever glad that I am not female now; if we left now, I'd still have far more than enough time to get ready to attend."

Lily had apparently already forgotten the original topic, as she swatted him good-naturedly, before saying with a pleased smile, "It's nice to see that Petunia invited you, although it is certainly quite a surprise; I was wondering if the two of you would have ever gotten along... Perhaps you mentioned James once or twice; she hates him almost as much as you do for whatever reason..."

Severus only smirked evily, as he recalled how he had persuaded the elder of the two Evans' sisters to allow him to join in. It hadn't been difficult, as Petunia agreed very much with him on James' suitability for Lily or lack thereof; as such, she had been quite pleased to join in on his plan to provoke James without actually provoking him. 'On anyone else, it would probably be a waste of time, but with James all I really have to do is make myself vulnerable without any witnesses nearby... He and his 'crew' take care of the getting angry part just fine on their own usually...'

A little unnerved by Severus' almost-malicious smile, Lily quickly bid him farewell and told him that they could share the memory tomorrow instead. She then apparated back to her and James' place and began the laborious process of getting ready; Petunia had wanted a rather formal get-together for whatever reason...

**Author's Note: **Honestly, in spite of the great mass of Marauder's era fanfiction that thinks that Voldemort was actively evil during Severus' school years, I think that this reasoning is probably fairly close to an accurate portrayal of what Severus believed; remember, Regulus was younger than Severus by about two years, yet when he joined, his parents apparently thought of him as a hero in some ways, as Voldemort hadn't yet shown his true colors. As such, it is likely that Voldemort was believed to be a relatively good guy by Slytherin house when Severus joined...

Remember, Severus said in chapter two that his attitude changed after the first revel, so until then the Death Eaters probably appeared like merely another side in a war, perhaps the better one considering what he knew of each sides' members...


	8. Rivalry To Last Ages

**Ex Intempestivo Pax **

**Chapter 8**

**Rivalry To Last Ages**

_I truly love James, but sometimes I really hate him..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"Padfoot, please explain to me why I was stupid enough to agree to go to Lily's sister's party. I must have been out of my bloody mind!"

"Let's face it, Prongs, you've been out of your mind since about third year; out of your mind with 'love' that is. I mean, what else could have possibly possessed you to go into the same house as the person who hates you so much that only SNIVELLUS hates you more!?"

"Very true, Padfoot; I mean, she is almost as unforgiving as Lily, and twice as thin-skinned! I mean, in hindsight it could have been done better, but it was all just a prank!"

Sirius chuckled in remembrance of what happened last month; James had been getting shown around the Dursley's house by Petunia, who had been acting all hoity-toity and mocking him for his ignorance, when she showed them the Dursley's bedroom. It was a fairly normal bedroom, but James had been truly shocked to see just how many clothes there were in her just-barely open closet, as witches rarely bothered with having THAT much clothing.

Petunia had then started laughing at him and James, quite annoyed, had charmed all of her clothing to fly at her, covering her from head-to-toe. Unfortunately, that incident had taken their relationship from overprotective sister and sister's fiance to mortal enemies as she had never forgiven him for it. In fact, she had even shouted to Lily in front of him once "I never thought I'd say this, but I think I might prefer that nasty boy from Spinner's end to your fiance and his goons! And THAT says a lot!"

Mind you, that incident had been after Sirius had used a tripping jinx on her, sending her crashing to the floor; still though... James sighed ruefully, as Petunia had never forgiven either of them when it had only been a harmless prank or two; James and Sirius had apologized to her, but the damage had already been done apparently, as she would glare at them as soon as either of them entered the room. Suddenly, Sirius said, "You know, Prongs, it says in this magazine here that Muggle women really 'dig' this guy and how he looks..."

Glancing over, James saw that Sirius was holding a very faded Muggle magazine for women while pointing to one picture in particular. It was about some Muggle guy by the name of Elvis Presley, wearing a black leather jacket. For a moment, James thought that Sirius might have gotten more banged-up than he thought in the the battle against those Death Eaters last week, but then he understood and grinned, saying aloud, "Padfoot, you're a genius! If Muggle women like this guy, then this could be my ticket to being liked by Lily's sister!"

Quickly, the two of them transfigured their suit-and-tie combos into exact replicas of the clothing worn by that Elvis Presley person, then Sirius said with a smirk, "See? You can always trust Padfoot...except when it comes to cooking, then you're screwed."

James then hit him lightly on the shoulder as the two of them apparated into the Dursley's house. While normally it was considered rather impolite to apparate inside a dwelling without knocking first, when one had already been invited, or was family, it was considered to be acceptable. Nonetheless, James and Sirius apparated into one of the upstairs closets out of worry that one of Lily's sister's friends might see them, breaking the Statute of Secrecy.

Unfortunately, neither of them had remembered that in houses with families that were less wealthy than their own, the closets were generally smaller, as such, it took several minutes to exit the linen closet with both of them as crushed as they were. However, after brushing themselves off a bit, they grinned and walked downstairs to join the party...

As she watched her sister's fiance and his sidekick walk down the stairs, Petunia moaned in despair at the sight of what they were wearing; she had specifically asked that everyone dress formally, as this was to be a big day for her. Apparently, those nitwits had decided that that meant black leather was a necessity, and one of them hadn't even been invited to begin with. 'If Snape is anything like those two and walks in here wearing an Elvis Presley imitator's costume, then I am going to go positively berserk...'

Still, she had to look on the bright side: if Snape were successful in his plans to get Lily to dump this meat-headed moron, then she would never have to see the prat again. When Lily had introduced him to the family, although Petunia was very apprehensive about the fact that her sister's boyfriend was a wizard, she had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Of course, then this Potter fellow had decided to make all of her clothes attack her, covering her to the point that she was having difficulty breathing while he was busy laughing his head off.

After the incident had finished, Potter had quickly apologized for it, saying that he had just meant it as a harmless joke. However, Petunia could tell that he wasn't REALLY sorry, just worried that she might tell her sister. Lily might have a hard time telling genuine apologies from fake ones, but Petunia wasn't hampered by her sister's belief in the basic goodness of humanity.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the time for musing over her sister's worthless fiance, as she had to play the part of the good hostess and greet him. Also unfortunately, Snape had forbade her from antagonizing the man as he had something else up his sleeve, so Petunia pasted on a smile, walked over to him and said, "Mr. Potter...I'm sure my sister will be very glad to see you; she's been rather twitchy up until now..."

At that, James gulped; he had been worried about something like this ever since last night. Even though it was for a good cause, the excuse he had made to go out marauding with the boys under the full moon had probably not endeared him much to Lily. He knew that he probably should have told Lily about Remus being a werewolf some time ago, but she probably wouldn't care much for the fact that he had been lying to her about it for so long.

Frowning, James decided that he would tell Lily as soon as possible...after the wedding of course. If he told her beforehand, then it was possible that she might call off the wedding or push it back, and he wanted to get married to her before this short period of calm in the war wore off. Nodding as he came to a decision, he walked over to Lily and saw something that made him absolutely sick: the legendarily greasy git, Severus Snape, TALKING to LILY. Obviously he was the cause of Lily's twitchiness, as his mere presence had that effect on smart people, such as James.

James would have probably hexed the arrogant, slimy berk, but there were Muggles nearby. As such, he was limited to walking over and saying coldly to the probable Death Eater, "I believe that you are bothering my wife, Snape, so get lost!"

However, rather than being happy at his rescuing her from a slimeball like Snivellus, Lily looked quite annoyed until her eyes widened as she took a good look at his clothing. James smirked slightly and turned around once to let her take a good look at him, only for him to suddenly wince when she grabbed his ear and whispered, "Remind me to ask what the hell you were thinking when you got dressed this morning, OK?"

Although Severus didn't show it on his face, inside he was smirking as Lily whispered angrily to Potter; Things had apparently gone better than he hoped, considering that Potter had clearly made a complete fool out of himself. As such, he frowned slightly, then said with a tone of mild disappointment, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, Lily; I'll leave you and your husband to yourselves..."

Lily, as if on queue, quickly responded as she put her hand on Potter's shoulder to calm him down, "James, don't worry, Severus and I are doing just fine..." She then smirked mischieviously, and Severus had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as she said, "...However, I've been meaning to ask Sirius about the raid at St. Michael's last week. Why don't the two of you talk to each other? We're all adults here after all, even if your clothes were popular when we were about five, James..."

Sirius could only look on in an expression of horror that was only exceeded by those worn by James and Snivillus as he allowed himself to be lead a few feet away. He was thankful for only one thing: if it came to a pitched battle between James and that Death Eater piece of garbage then as least it was only's Lily's bint of a sister's house.

As soon as the two of them were far enough away not to be overheard by those they had just left, Sirius whispered frantically, "Er, Lily, are you INSANE!? Putting Snape and James in the same room as each other is like putting Voldemort in the same room as the Muggleborn Rights group leader!"

Sirius was beginning to think that the answer to his first question was 'YES!' when Lily grinned and said nonchalantly, "Well, you know how Severus and James have never really gotten along...and I just made the understatement of the decade? Well, I've been thinking; it's high time that Severus got over his rivalry with James, don't you think? I mean, even though Sev kept attacking him at least twice a month, James NEVER retaliated beyond the level of self-defense. I mean, if I'm going to be friends with him again, he and my husband will probably have to get along, won't he?"

Sirius looked away, then said, "Err, I suppose that he will have to I guess..." He then turned and looked at her, "...But Lily, you gave up on the git for a good reason, remember? He's still Slytherin, and probably a Death Eater too; he might have been your friend a long time ago, maybe, but he and his kind torture and kill Muggleborns such as yourself because they enjoy it. Honestly, do you really want a friend like that?"

Lily opened her mouth and was about to respond when she remembered Dumbledore's message from last week, when Severus had told her about his joining of the Order. Dumbledore had made it especially clear that under no circumstances was she to reveal the fact that Severus was a member to ANYONE, and that doing so would likely result in a slow, painful death for her friend. Even James wasn't exempt from this instruction according to Dumbledore.

As such, Lily quickly deflected the subject, saying pensively, "Hmm... Oh, Sirius, how do you think things are going at Ye Auld Ministrie? Think that Bagnold has actually managed to slow the Death Eaters down like she claims?"

Her scheme worked perfectly, as Sirius then scowled, before starting off on a long rant about how Bagnold's pussyfooting around the Death Eaters was doing more harm than good. It was rather illuminating, even if Sirius spent half of the time complimenting himself or James about their brilliant schemes as Aurors.

It had been quite a surprise to Lily when James had told her that he wanted to be an Auror to catch Dark wizards, rather than going on to play Quidditch like she had always supposed, but he was undeniably effective at predicting the actions of criminals.

Lily suspected that the reason that James had such a skill was because of how he had always been such a arrogant, bullying prat during his early school years, but she was proud of how he was taking advantage of the opportunity to show that he could be a major force of good and a hero like he had always claimed to be...

Meanwhile, Petunia had snuck over by Potter and Snape in the hopes that Snape's plan might have gone into action; while she couldn't say that she cared for the man, Snape wasn't ALL that bad for a wizard apparently, based on what she was hearing. Apparently, from what Potter had said, he was enemies of all good wizards; as that list probably included Potter and his thugs, that was definitely a good thing...

'I do wonder what he means by 'Aurors' though. Still, if he's threatening to have them investigate Snape if he doesn't leave Lily alone, then that cannot be a good thing...' Petunia mused to herself for a moment.

Then Petunia remembered that she had invited all her family and her absolute closest friends here for a reason beyond merely letting them mingle, and hopefully breaking off Lily's engagement with Potter once she got the chance to compare him to some good, NORMAL people. The latter would hopefully make Lily realize what a huge mistake she was about to make, however...

Mind you, this was all very important, as Petunia dearly wanted her sister to return to being a normal person. Still, she had been planning all of this for months in order to let them all know something very important and special to her. As such, she then walked over to an obviously pleased Vernon and cleared her throat, before saying, "Now that we've all had time to mingle, would everyone be willing to move into the dining area? Vernon and I have an announcement to make..."

**Author's Note: **In case any of you are wondering, it isn't so much that Petunia LIKES Severus, as that she truly hates James for his actions and how she thinks that he isn't truly sorry for his actions. She is a woman who cares very much about appearences, at least as far as clothing and manners, so is it particularly surprising that she would hate a man like James?

Don't forget, Petunia's opinion of James is biased in this chapter, so be warned and don't take everything she thinks/says as gospel...

In contrast to James, I view Petunia's opinion of Severus as comparable to Harry's opinion of Cormac McLaggen in book six: she can tolerate him, but she dislikes him greatly. After all, in spite of the issuest between the two sisters, I'm sure that Petunia would have had to be able to coexist with him for at least six or seven years, considering his friendship with Lily.

Lastly, remember how Sirius said that Severus never missed an opportunity to jinx the Marauders? Assuming that Lily didn't know of Severus' continued bullying by James, imagine how that must have looked to her... I mean, it probably looked like Severus was just continually attacking the Marauders for no reason other than past grudges and his own hatred...

The contents of James' conversation with Severus will be revealed in a later chapter=).


	9. Distracting Others From The Truth

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 9**

**Distracting Others From The Truth**

_The best lies really do have an element of the truth to them..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"...make sure that the Death Eaters are not influencing Minister Bagnold with magic of any kind; it is probable that they have already infiltrated several of the Ministry departments..."

Lily knew that this was very important, and normally she would be paying strict, close attention to Dumbledore's lecture to the members of the Order, but today she was just too preoccupied to care. She was too busy trying to deal with what had happened over the past day and night for even important information about the Death Eaters to really sink in...

Petunia had, during her celebration, revealed to everyone the fact that she had very recently become pregnant with what she and Vernon hoped would be their first son; it had made Lily realize just how low the chances were that she would ever get to carry out her plans to have her own family, considering just how bad things were. Even though things were quiet at present, everyone knew that it wasn't going to last, and then the killings would begin anew.

Originally, Lily had planned to take time to get her career as a Potions Mistress started before having kids; after all, it was likely that she would need to take a break from her work during the pregnancy or pregnancies, as the potions fumes were extremely toxic to developing fetuses and young infants in many cases. It had been the main reason that there were far fewer Potions Mistresses than Potions Masters, in spite of the fact that they were generally equally skilled as their male counterparts, according to Severus when they were in school at least.

However, Lily was starting to reconsider her plans; it was quite likely that one or both of her and James would die at some point during this war, and then any plans to wait until the business had grown strong would be meaningless, as either she or her husband would be dead...

Speaking of her future husband, Lily gave James' hand a quick squeeze, which he returned. Lily then smirked slightly; James had been quite supportive of her possible reconsidering of their plans for the future when they had talked about it during the romantic candlelit dinner he had surprised her with last night.

Admittedly, part of the reason was because of how he had really wanted to get started on their family quickly to begin with, as he intended to have a large family to the point that they could practically be a Quidditch team on their own. 'Heh, if he had his way, I would have probably been popping out babies from now until when I turned thirty!'

Originally, after some intense negotiations wherein Lily had found herself kissed senseless more than once, they had agreed to bring up the issue again after the wedding. Now however, Lily was starting to think that having one child right after they got married might not be a bad thing; James could be a bit of a whiner when things didn't go his way, and having one kid now might satisfy his hunger for his stable of kids for the moment, and with the whole pressure of the war on top of that...

Lily then saw Severus frown at Dumbledore from across the table where they were all sitting, and frowned herself, before giving James a bit of an apprehensive glance; Severus was here as a new recruit to the Order under an assumed name and Polyjuice potion, as his first assignment from what he had told her was to try and find if any members of the Order were also members of the Death Eaters, because Dumbledore had some suspicions that the Order had been compromised in part.

Lily wondered to herself if Dumbledore's suspicions were correct, fervently hoping that the man's normal brilliance was wrong for once, as it would be truly terrible if Voldemort had managed to sink his claws into the Order; if the very heart of the resistance to Voldemort's evil designs had been compromised, then she had a sneaking suspicion that all was truly lost...

'Still, if there are any two people who could root out a traitor before he or she kills us all, it would have to be Sev and Albus.' Lily thought to herself, 'Sev probably would have been the pride of Slytherin house if he hadn't been such a loner, what with his brilliant cunning, cleverness and sheer sneakiness, and Dumbledore is...Dumbledore...'

Lily had to admit that she was proud of her oldest childhood friend, as she doubted that she would be able to even come close to fulfilling the task he was appointed with, while pretending to stay loyal to his Dark master; although she knew that they were about an even match in terms of intelligence, Severus had the advantages of near-paranoia and not being...hampered by faith in their comrades, or so he had put it when Lily had been at a loss for words...

Thinking of Severus brought her mind to the other thing that was troubling her: that morning when she had shared the second of the five memories she had agreed to show Severus. That memory had been only a couple of months before O.W.L.s, and everything had seemed to go straight to hell with their friendship soon after, with Severus being almost constantly annoyed and practically spewing insults of James every five minutes.

_Flashback:_

_"OK, Severus, this memory occurred shortly after the time that James saved your life. Ready?"_

_Severus growled for a moment, annoyance flashing across his face, then nodded his head in an affirmative; the two of them then pressed their heads into the Pensieve's bowl together, almost touching cheek-to-cheek. Quickly, the memory formed around them... (AN: In this Chapter, as the flashback is all in italics, the underlined sections will be what they witness in the memory)_

_"Hey, Evans! Can we talk?" _

_Lily, who had been reading a book in the Gryffindor Common Room, turned around and said with a sigh, "What is it Potter? I'm rather busy right now..."_

_James looked around the common room, making sure that the two of them were alone, then said angrily, "Call off your little 'friend', Snivellu-"_

_"Don't call him that!"_

_James growled for a moment, then said with a glare, "...Snape; he's been following us around during the full moon for nearly four months now! It HAS to stop; he's really cramping our style!"_

_Lily set down her book, then said mock-curiously, "You have a sense of style...?"_

_As their memory-counterparts continued bantering, Lily said with a slight chuckle, "Needless to say, I wasn't really all that interested in him at the time, although I did find him rather attractive when his head wasn't up his rear end. I didn't have any inclination to pursue it beyond the level of bantering though, as there was no way that I was going to go out with someone who was bullying my best friend..."_

_Severus looked somewhat pained, then hid his face behind his hair and said dismally, crossing his arms in front of him as he did so, "I-I knew that, at least to some extent, you were interested in him; sometimes you'd look at him while the two of you were arguing and it was as if no-one else existed. I was...afraid that you would one day give up on me and choose him, abandoning me..."_

_Lily wanted to ask why, if this had bothered him so much, he had pushed her away for so much of the later half of fifth year; however, in the end she said simply, looking away from him as she did so, "Severus, I didn't give up on you because I was interested in James Potter; I gave up on you because you had stopped even bothering to pretend listening to me about the Marauders or your friends. Don't get me wrong; I can see your point of view about your friends now, but you absolutely refused to even consider my own point of view..."_

_She then heard Severus whip his head around to look at her, before saying angrily, "That was because your point of view was inherently flawed, and thus not worth listening to; Potter was the scum of the earth, and that was the beginning and ending of it."_

_Lily groaned aloud, saying heatedly, "Oh dear Merlin, I know that he was arrogant and was a bully at the time, but he did save your life. I had hoped that you could be MATURE enough to ATTEMPT to bury the hatchet then, but instead your dislike of him turned into an unreasoning hatred thanks to your bloody pride! You hated the idea of being saved by him so much that you started trying to humiliate him every chance YOU got, acting just like he did!"_

_Severus' eyes started glittering dangerously, and he opened his mouth to speak, but he was suddenly distracted by what was happening in the memory..._

_"...OK James, so you're telling me that Severus followed you and your friends last night into the Shrieking Shack; what happened then?" Lily said while clearly hanging on James' every words._

_James swallowed, then said as he looked at her carefully, "Well, he ran into this creature and nearly got himself killed; I had to pull him away before it bit him, as that would have been very, very...bad."_

_Lily looked jumped up, looking around as she got her stuff together, packing up all of her books as she said frantically, "Oh Merlin! Is he alright!? Did Sev get hurt!? I've gotta go see him right away! Thanks-"_

_James then grabbed her by the shoulder and said, rolling his eyes, "Don't worry, your little git of a friend is just fine and will live on to be a slimeball another day; heck, he wasn't even hurt! If he hadn't been so careless in following us though, he would have never gotten in such a scrape to begin with..."_

_Lily paused, then looked back at him curiously before asking, "Wait, if Severus was in danger from being bitten, then wouldn't that mean that you would have been in danger as well? Speaking of 'this creature', what was it?"_

_James looked uncomfortable for a moment, then he said with an air of mystery, smirking as he did so, "Well, you know how we Marauders know the school like the back of our hands? Well, this is something that Dumbledore doesn't want to get out because of what problems it might cause..."_

_Severus, who had suddenly become positively riveted, looked between Memory-James and Lily with an air of interest, but said nothing..._

_"...You see, Hagrid has been breeding these giant spider-things in the Forbidden Forest, Acromantula if I recall correctly; if it gets out, he could lose his job once the school governors find out. I need you to promise me that you will never reveal to ANYONE this secret, not even Severus; if word of this got out, then..." _

_He then paused, before saying in a bit of a huff, "As for Snivellus, while I might not like him very much, that didn't mean that I wanted him to get bitten; I know that it was dangerous, but it was far better to take a chance than to sit around and do nothing, you know?"_

_Lily nodded, then whispered, "Thank you..."_

_Noticing that Severus had gone positively stock-still as the memory ended, Lily then said, unable to look him in the eye, "Yes Sev, I actually knew all along about the Acromantula that you ran into while following the Marauders, and I'm sorry that I didn't-"_

_Severus then let out a snorting laugh, before turning around and saying with a normal-sized smile on his face, which for Severus was the equivalent of him grinning brightly, "Don't worry, Lily, I now understand your point of view completely."_

_Lily, somewhat wary, then said slowly, "So do you see why I was so angry at how you were acting?"_

_Severus looked at her, then chuckled and said, "With the exception of the 'Acromantula' part of the story story, most of what Potter said was true, in the same sense as saying that humans need fluids to survive; much of what he told was the truth, but he told so little of the story that it means almost nothing in regards to what really happened, nothing at all..."_

_Lily only frowned at him in confusion, not liking how his smile reminded her of a shark seeing a man jump into a pool while bleeding out of his stomach..._

_End Flashback:_

Lily frowned anew; Severus had refused to go into any more detail after that, saying that he wanted to show her the whole and complete truth of the matter, and that would have to wait until it was his turn to reveal memories. Knowing him, he was probably waiting to save it for one really big barrage of memories...

However, she had a mystery to deal with now: what did Severus mean by what he had said about it being only a part of the whole story? Also, why would James have lied to her about it being an Acromantula?

She couldn't quite understand the second part, as she couldn't think of anything that would make sense about it; Severus had implied at the time that Remus might be a werewolf, but that didn't make sense. After all, even Sirius wasn't reckless enough to hang around with a savage werewolf during the full moon, and there were no spells to stop them from attacking humans...

Lily knew that it was unlikely that she would be able to deduce what had actually attacked Severus, but she had a feeling that she had forgotten something important about the first part. Suddenly, Lily gasped aloud, unnoticed by the people surrounding her; she had completely missed it at the time, but how would Severus have been the one to run into the 'creature' if he were behind the Marauders, following them?

Remembering how Sirius had been complaining soon afterward about how he had nearly gotten a month's detention and banned from Gryffindor's next game of Quidditch, Lily thought that she had a pretty good idea of what had happened: Sirius must have somehow nearly gotten Severus killed, perhaps using a hex, and James must have been trying to cover up that little incident when he told her about the Acromantula... He must have been trying to protect Sirius...

'Merlin, the next time I talk to Sirius, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. No WONDER Severus hated the Marauders so much afterward!' Although Lily knew she didn't have the full story, she was pretty sure that she had a good idea as to its general contents...

Suddenly, she felt James tapping her on the shoulder and realized that while she had been musing, the meeting of the Order had drawn to a close; quickly giving Severus an understanding look, Lily prepared to apparate home...

Noticing Lily's look, Severus nodded quizzically, waiting for her to apparate away like the rest of the Order; when everyone but him and Dumbledore had left, Severus then walked up to the aged man and said coolly, "We have a problem; Potter wants to have the Auror department to an investigation into me, which would turn up my 'official' standing of being a Death Eater. This would meant that I would have to either reveal publicly that I am a member of the Order or end up in Azkaban, with both choices likely resulting in my death. Any ideas to rein him in?"

Giving him a frown that Severus was sure was because of what Dumbledore felt about his trying to steal back Lily, the older man then said after a few moments of thought, "I have a few ideas, and one of them seems to dovetail nicely with our objective of making Voldemort trust in your loyalty. Remember how he gave you instructions to try and find out who were members of our Order as part of your work for him? Well, Dorcas and James seem to be reasonably good friends..."

Looking at him warily, Severus then said in a tone of voice that indicated the dubiousness of the proposal, "Are you saying to reveal Dorcas' membership in the Order to Voldemort?"

Shaking his head, Dumbledore said gravely, "No, I am saying that you are to kidnap her...or at least appear to do so..."

**Author's Note: **Needless to say, Lily's leap of logic has more than a few holes in it, but that's how supposed epiphanies usually go. As for what James told her, I figured that when he told her about the incident he probably told enough of the truth in such a way as to make it seem like the whole truth. Otherwise, Lily wouldn't have been so sure of what had happened in canon, although the Acromantula part was my idea.

As for Lily's thoughts about Remus being a werewolf, it is something that one has to consider from the point of view of not knowing it for a fact that we had in canon; really, how likely was it that he was a werewolf if he were hanging out with the rest of the Marauders every night during the full moon? If one didn't know about the rest of the Marauders being Animagi it just wouldn't make much sense, as it would be insanely dangerous to the point of suicidal.

Don't forget, Severus still has yet to tell Lily the whole truth about the werewolf incident, or what he thinks of it; no wonder he is frustrated, both now and in the past...


	10. Inside the Shadow's Grasp

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 10**

**Inside the Shadow's Grasp**

_I cannot say that I care for this, but needs must as the devil drives..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"You MONSTER! Let me GO! When I get my hands on you, I'm going to wring your neck you stupid, disgusting, Death Eater wanker! I hope that you eat a _Crucio_ for each and every one of your victims, then die by being boiled in..."

Severus snarled and did his best to ignore the blibbering harpy, Dorcas Meadowes, scowling as he found himself beginning to wish that the woman would actually die tonight. 'Albus Dumbledore, if I live through tonight, I am going to kill you for this and enjoy doing it; it is certainly easy to see how she and Potter became friends...both of them are stupid, loud, moronic imbeciles who enjoy tormenting me...'

Unfortunately, he had been forced to kidnap this annoying loudmouth of a woman and was going to have to bring her to one of the Revels; it made him suspect that Dumbledore was doing this primarily to make him miserable for the 'crime' of trying to break up the 'golden couple', although Severus couldn't say that he particularly cared what Dumbledore thought about it, as he knew that Lily would be better off without slime like Potter.

Still, suffering through this racket was enough to make him wish that he had reconsidered changing sides...at least until he remembered Lily, then he sighed before smiling slightly behind his mask.

He had quite enjoyed their chat over tea yesterday, as she didn't have to spend all her time working on her potions, and Potter was away on 'Auror business' again. It hadn't been a talk about either the memories in the Pensieve, the war or his feelings for her, which he suspected were topics that were off-limits for now. Instead, they had merely spent time catching up, as neither had heard much of the other's exploits in the field of potions and were quite keen to find out.

It was really a shame that he had to deal with Potter and wrecking their blasted wedding now, as he rather enjoyed being her friend again, even if she had a tendency to talk about HIM a great deal. He would never admit it, but with all things considered, he would probably even allow her to marry Potter tomorrow if it proved necessary if it weren't for two things...

First and most importantly, he KNEW that Potter was a lying piece of slime who would lie, cheat and steal to get whatever he wanted. He was SOOO arrogant that it made even Severus, who had quite a bit of (well-earned in his opinion) pride himself, want to puke whenever he listened to him speak.

Severus had no doubt that the only reason that Lily thought that she 'loved' the scumbag was because he had somehow tricked her into thinking it, perhaps with a love potion of some sort, as he could see it coming from either Black or Potter himself. How else could she even think that she loved a man who enjoyed nothing more than making his life miserable and probably cheated on her with every single woman he saw?

Second, Severus knew that Potter would NEVER allow him and Lily to stay friends after he got married to her; it was the same reason that he had always fought so hard to prevent Lily from getting close to Potter...apart from the fact that he himself was interested in her: Potter refused to accept the idea of competition in any way.

Potter had once said in fourth year that he would stop attacking Severus if he left Lily alone, and made a similar offer to Lily of leaving Severus alone if she went out with him during the INCIDENT, although he had later failed to actually do so when both actually came to pass in their sixth and seventh years.

Still, it showed Severus one very important thing about Potter's character: if anyone else was interested in Lily, they had to go, by any means necessary. Since Severus had loved Lily for years and everyone knew it, including her, there was no way on earth that Potter would allow them to stay friends... Oh, he might not FORBID their friendship aloud, but he would pick it apart ruthlessly; Severus was certain that he had done it once before...

Groaning in annoyance at the continued blithering of his very much unwanted companion, he returned to his infuriating captive and pointed his wand at the annoying witch, then smirked before casting a spell. _'Langlock... _perhaps she willfinally SHUT UP!_' _

As she glared at him with utter hatred, Severus checked the time and checked the time; he needed to bring her at just the right moment, after the Dark Lord had arrived, but before the 'festivities' were in full swing lest he be sick. Well, not really sick, but there were certain things that he just didn't want to see even in his worst nightmares...

Finally, he judged that the proper time arrived and grabbed Meadowes roughly, before Disapparating with a quick "POP"; arriving in the Lestrange mansion, which had been temporarily turned into the Death Eater headquarters, he looked around carefully. He mentally breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that he was right on schedule, as the Dark Lord was already there, making it quite unnecessary to have to deal with the Lestranges...

While Bellatrix was rather attractive, and Severus had originally had a faint crush upon her when he first met her, she had changed; while she had once been a very bright and clever witch whose penchant of thinking for herself had been quite fetching, she had become completely obsessed with the Dark Lord, and she was now little more than a zealot in the name of Voldemort...

Their previous state of friendly comradeship had been marred greatly by this, as Bellatrix had grown to suspect him as a traitor, mainly because he didn't have her manic level of worshipful zeal for the Dark Lord's ideals... 'It would be quite ironic if she and Lily were to compare notes sometime...assuming that one of them didn't end up dead...'

Shoving Meadowes in front of him, Severus walked up to the main table, then bowed deeply as he used his wand to force his captive to do the same. He then froze her in place with a simple hex while unsticking her tongue from the roof of her mouth, although she showed some intelligence in not saying a word in spite of her sudden freedom of speech. This would be difficult enough to wrangle without being impolite after all, as he needed to play it just so...

The Dark Lord, visibly surprised although he tried to disguise it, then said with a frown as his eyes bored into Severus, "It appears that we have an uninvited guest, an uninvited Pureblooded guest at that! Please, do explain why you have brought one of such status into our humble abode..." As he said this, Voldemort calmly drew his wand, making it quite clear what the consequences would be if an explanation wasn't given. Meanwhile, the rest of the table turned to watch, clearly eager to see what might happen to the 'worthless half-blood' if Voldemort weren't pleased...

Nonetheless, Severus swallowed and replied in a passionless tone of voice, "Indeed this is true my lord, but I have it on good authority that Miss Meadowes here has made a mistake unbefitting of her blood-status, joining the Order of the Phoenix... I felt that it would be best if I were to bring her to you so that you could...enlighten her as to the consequences of her actions..."

Severus smirked behind his silver mask as he felt Dorcas trembling in fear as Voldemort surveyed her with a cold glare and a malicious smile. Although he was fairly certain that the foolish woman would live, albeit having survived through what must be the worst experience of her annoying life, he was definitely taking a savage pleasure in listening to her suppressing her whimpering as the Dark Lord locked eyes with her. During this time, Severus' smirk widened as the whispering continued.

After several minutes, during which Severus was sure that he had been picking through every memory he could, Voldemort turned to look at Severus with a frown and said, "It appears that this woman is rather strong-willed; nonetheless... _CRUCIO!"_

Severus braced himself for an immense level of pain, but the Dark Lord had evidently decided that he might be correct in his suppositions, as the woman started shrieking in pain while Voldemort continued to look eyes with her. He was relieved not to be the target, however he could almost feel her pain as she writhed in front of him, which made his feeling of relief vanish almost instantly...

As the torture continued, Severus turned his gaze from Meadowes and was disgusted to see that many of the other Death Eaters were sitting at the table, calmly eating as if the tortured screams of a woman were nothing of importance. Nonetheless, he had to say that it was better than scum like Rosier, who was watching in utter enjoyment as he clearly savored each and every scream of the unfortunate woman, one of only a few Death Eaters at the table not to be wearing a mask...

Swallowing his distaste for the situation, Severus reviewed what he had been told of the plan: he had been told by Dumbledore that Dorcas Meadowes spent just about every Saturday night drinking at the Leaky Cauldron wherein she would bemoan how she was unable to get a date. After she had been turned out by Tom, Severus would grab her from the street while she was unprepared, then he would take her to the Dark Lord and identify her as a member of the Order. Frankly, it didn't make much sense to him...

Nonetheless, Severus suspected that Dumbledore might be one of those people who preferred the left hand not to know what the right was doing and vice-versa, and this suspicion was blaring at him that something was amiss... His eyes then widened as he realized the true purpose of his mission, while Voldemort spat, "Apparently, her mind is quite strong indeed..."

The Dark Lord then said to Bellatrix with a smirk, as the malevolent smile she had been wearing turned into one of delight, "Take her to your family's dungeons, Bellatrix. A...comrade of ours will be arriving in a matter of minutes, and he will identify her allegiance for us..."

Voldemort then turned to look at Severus again, while the rest of the Death Eaters listened with bated breath, before saying, "Your reward, should what you have given us proves correct, has the potential to be very great indeed... However, I need to have a word with you about some of your other activities..."

As the Dark Lord guided him away from the main table, with Bellatrix having her husband shove Meadowes into the dungeons in the background, Severus thought frantically; Voldemort could be implying any of a number of things, but he felt that odds were high that he was referring either to his meeting with Dumbledore or to the time he had spent with Lily.

The difficulty was that Severus didn't know how much the Dark Lord knew, and thus was unsure how much to admit. If he were to assume that Voldemort knew everything...well then he was going to be leaving here in a matchbox regardless. Still, while telling him too much would likely be fatal, telling him too little would be equally fatal...

As they moved into an alcove where there was little light, and no-one nearby, Severus decided that it would be best to let Voldemort speak first and took off his mask to give himself an excuse to wait. After a few moments, the Dark Lord spoke in a a falsly-nonchalant tone of voice that didn't fool Severus in the slightest, saying smoothly, "How have things been going on the...Dumbledore front, Severus?"

Thinking quickly, Severus responded in an equally smooth tone of voice as he sneered, "I have managed to convince the old fool that I 'saw the error of my ways' before I joined our dear brotherhood. Earlier than I had even hoped, let alone anticipated, he agreed to allow me to join the Hogwarts teaching staff as we have planned. I believe that this might bode well for the possibility of getting him to grant me permission to join his pathetic 'Order', should we need it..."

At that, the Dark Lord nodded slowly while using Leglimency to attempt to burrow into his mind and find memories that would confirm it; thinking quickly, Severus mixed some of his older memories with his newer ones to create what ought to be a seemless tapestry, hiding his treachery. Finally, just as Severus thought he was in the clear, Voldemort said mildly, "It has come to my attention that you recently have been seen talking to Miss Lily Evans; why would you do that?"

Severus felt a pulse of cold fear, but mastered it as he quickly responded with a feigned calmness he didn't feel and a touch of mirth, "It is true that I encountered the girl at her sister's...birthday celebration, but it was only with an intent to harm her fiance, James Potter... I enjoyed very much watching him ineffectually attempt to come to her rescue, as it gave me the opportunity to humiliate my most hated rival..."

Realizing an opportunity, Severus then smoothly continued with an evil smirk, saying, "Perhaps I shall do so again, should I get the chance; the Evans girl seemed rather taken with me, and she is reasonably attractive, in spite of her awful heritage..."

Voldemort laughed slightly, in his cold, cruel variant of what should be an expression of happiness, then said, "Very well, should you get the opportunity, feel free to do so. Now, feel free to join the festivities, as it appears that we will have plenty of 'dalliances' here for all..."

Suddenly, shouting could be heard coming from the direction of the dungeons, and then a cry rent the air, "Help! The Order's here! HELP...!"

After glancing at Voldemort, Severus was about to pretent to go sprinting off towards said dungeons, when he felt one of the Dark Lords thin, pale hands grasping his left shoulder. The evil man then said calmly, but with a sense of malice that Severus could feel in the air, directed towards the direction of the shout, "No, it wouldn't do to reveal your allegiaces too early; return to your abode, and we shall have to see about your reward later..."

Glad for the opportunity to leave, Severus quickly apparated back to Spinner's end, wondering just what Dumbledore would hope to discover from the memories he had obtained in this venture. Personally, he suspected that it might have something to do with that spy...

Severus then smirked as he put his cloak and mask in a secret closet, having realized something: unless the Dark Lord had 'lowered himself' to consorting with Muggles, it was possible that Severus had found their spy, as the only three people with magic other than himself who had been at Petunia's birthday 'party' had been Lily, Potter and Black...

**Author's Note: **I assume that some of you are wondering why it would be unknown to the Death Eaters that Dorcas is an Order member. Remember, the 'unknown spy' hasn't necessarily revealed everything he knows, as he might not reveal its importance. On the other hand, Voldemort probably wouldn't want to reveal that there might be a spy in the Order's ranks in the first place...

The next chapter is going to show what happened from the point of view of the Order, and why they knew to come to begin with...


	11. A Wish To Protect

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 11**

**A Wish To Protect**

_Even if Lily might disagree with the method, she cannot dispute that I am protecting her from Snape..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"...Sirius, tell me what happened! I know that there weren't any bloody Acromantulas that night!"

"And you believe SNAPE of all people over James and I!?"

"In this case? Yes, yes I do. Now, James had to be lying to protect SOMEBODY, and Remus wouldn't have done anything himself and Peter COULDN'T have done anything himself; as such, what did YOU do, Sirius!?"

As Sirius and Lily shouted at each other back in the living room, probably nose-to-nose at this point, James moaned aloud from the kitchen where he had hidden himself early on in the argument. Although he would prefer letting Lily do the dishes most of the time, said dishes sure beat the hell out of being in the way of a Lily Evans on the warpath.

Apparently, When Snape had told him that he would love it if Lily could see what kind of 'scum' James was during Petunia's little party, he had clearly been quite serious based on what James was hearing now from the living room. Also obviously, James' warning that if Snape didn't leave Lily alone then he would use all the resources of the Auror department that he could muster in order to throw Snape behind bars had been ignored.

'It really isn't fair' James thought to himself bitterly as he charmed the dishes to go into the sink for a rinse one at a time, 'that WORM has been ruining my life from the moment I started attending Hogwarts, and even when he FINALLY leaves me and mine be, he just comes crawling back in to ruin me again!'

Intellectually, James knew that while Snape was indeed doing this to torment him, it was James himself who had given his hated Slytherin rival the weapons to do so by not revealing the whole truth to Lily so long ago. It galled James to think that he really had no-one to blame but himself for giving the man so much to hurt him with...

Still, it felt so much easier to simply blame Snape for what was happening now with Lily getting all worked up over minor technicalities that James had glossed over in order to protect his friends. Besides, it had happened YEARS ago...

On the bright side though, this meant that Snape was up to his old tricks, and James would truly love to give a beatdown to his ugly rival and said rival's oversized conk. Just like all the times before it, he would crush his wicked foe and return to the arms of his eternally fair and grateful maiden, grateful because he would explain to her how he was doing this to protect her...a thought that made James smile slightly as he started sending the silverware back into its proper drawer, making a nice little clinking noise as it did so.

It wasn't hyperbole either, as even though the Auror department hadn't managed to prove it yet, Snape was almost certainly a Death Eater and James knew it. Even if he had once been Lily's friend before, he was probably taking advantage of her once again in order to hurt her, and in a much deeper and crueler way than he had before when he had pretended to be her friend only to leave her in the lurch that time after O.W.L.s...

After all, James knew of several Death Eaters who had gone so far into their evil that they even killed their own families when they wouldn't support Voldemort, and he had no doubt that Snape was at least five times worse than they were... Letting Lily get into his clutches again would get her killed in a matter of days, James was sure of it, so he knew that anything he did to protect her was completely justified...

However, maybe it would be best if he revealed some of the truth that he had been concealing for a while, as a counter-measure to Snape at the least. For example, James could tell Lily about Remus' being a werewolf and how Snape ran into him during the night of the incident, leaving out Sirius' role for the sake of his friendship with Lily...

His musings were suddenly broken off when a silvery rabbit hopped through the kitchen window, through the dining room room and into the living room, before shouting frantically in Gideon Prewett's voice, "James, Lily, apparate to headquarters straight away! Dorcas' been captured by THEM!"

As the arguments broke off, set aside for the moment to focus on other issues, James walked into the living room in a state of shock before he apparated to Prewett Place in a dazed state of terror. When they arrived, he looked at Sirius and Lily and whispered, "Dorcas... Why did they take Dorcas...?"

While Sirius rushed ahead after sparing a moment to give James a comforting pat on the shoulder, clearly eager to get in on the action, Lily clasped James' hand in her own and held him tightly in an effort to help him regain control.

Knowing him so well, Lily could easily tell that James was beside himself with worry for the woman, and did her best to make him feel better. She knew that James was generally a man who preferred not to be coddled publicly, but sometimes Lily was sure it was necessary, much like with Severus. Besides, she didn't quite know what to say to make him feel better anyway...

After all, Although she and Dorcas Meadowes were friendly, Lily' friendship with the woman had never reached that of James'. Nonetheless, Lily felt that she owed the slightly-older woman alot, as her relationship with James might never have happened if it weren't for Dorcas...

In fact, James had once told her that it had been Dorcas' advice during his sixth year that had finally helped him get his head out of his rear end and see that his pushing around and hexing the other students had been pushing Lily away rather than impressing her. She had been the one who had helped James realize what Lily had been trying to tell him for years: he might be good-looking, charming, rich and popular, but she wasn't going to even consider going out with him if he didn't stop acting like a complete and total bully...

Holding onto James' arm tightly, Lily slowly lead him into the dining room of the Prewett family home, while whispering phrases like "Don't worry, James, we'll get her back safe and sound. I'm sure Dumbledore has an idea which could help...", "There, there, it'll be OK...", and "Don't forget, James, you're a Marauder; you can deal with this..." in an effort to cheer him up.

By the time they had arrived, Lily was pleased to see that her words had begun to have an effect, as James had already started looking more determined than broken. His confidence seemed to show a upswing though when Dumbledore walked into the room with his purple robes billowing behind him, which was something that Lily couldn't help but to agree with him on, as if anyone could save a woman captured by the Death Eaters then it was most certainly Dumbledore.

As the two of them walked over to their seats, Lily took a moment to glance around, never having been at the Prewett's home before. What she saw wasn't exactly the most impressive sight though; the walls were painted sickly green, with peeling paint, and the armchairs and couch were threadbare. Combined with the fact that many of the household belongings had been clearly removed recently, with gaps in the dust giving evidence to where they had lain, it gave a picture of poverty that only Severus' home could have matched.

Still, the house had a sense of comfort in it that Severus' home could have used when he was growing up, Lily was sure...

Speaking of Severus, Lily felt quite guilty whenever she looked at James, as Dumbledore had flooed her right before the aborted confrontation and told her that she had to cover for Severus and pretend that she had been with him during the time that Dorcas had been kidnapped. Trying to conceal thr truth wasn't something that Lily could say that she was going to enjoy doing, that was for sure...

After all, lying to her fiance was not something that she wanted to get in the habit of, and she doubted that Dumbledore would have her give Severus an alibi if he weren't involved somehow. Lily hoped for all of their sakes that Severus wasn't going to get into too much trouble, as although she planned on having a talk with James in the near-future to encourage him to act as maturely as he had his last years in Hogwarts when dealing with Severus, she didn't think it would go over too well if Severus had been directly involved somehow with Dorcas' kidnapping...

While Lily was pondering Severus' involvement, James occupied himself with looking around to see who was there and ready for when Dumbledore set up the rescue attempt for Dorcas; unfortunately, it seemed that not that many people had been at home when called, as only he, Sirius, Lily, both Prewetts, Moody, Lupin and Dumbledore himself were there.

Still, that would have to be enough, as James would never abandon one of his friends...although he really wished that good, old Wormtail had been home so that he could get in on the action. Peter could cast a pretty mean _Depulso_ if it came down to it...

His train of thought suddenly came to an abrupt halt when Dumbledore started speaking, calmly enough, but with an underlying tone of steely determination, "I am sure that all of you are aware of how Dorcas Meadowes was kidnapped earlier tonight from right outside the Leaky Cauldron. Although we cannot be certain of whether or not she is still alive, I am glad to say that I have discovered where they took her, thanks to the efforts of our only spy..."

Startled, James' eyes widened and he turned to look at Lily in shock, with her mirroring his surprise. 'A spy? In the Death Eaters' ranks? Now THAT is something useful! But why is Dumbledore revealing this in front of Moony? Isn't he afraid that he'll tell them?' Confused as to why Dumbledore was revealing this in front of most of the Order, James focused on him and paid close attention...

Meanwhile, Dumbledore continued calmly, seeming not to notice the shock of those around him, "They are keeping Dorcas in the dungeons of Lestrangus, the Lestrange family mansion. We are quite fortunate in the fact that Lord Voldemort, as per his usual practices, has elected to only prevent his...uninvited guests from leaving via apparition, making it possible to apparate ourselves inside..."

Dumbledore paused for a moment, then said in a tone that made it obvious that he had been choosing his words with care,

"I want to make it clear to everyone that an attempt to rescue Dorcas will be exceedingly dangerous, to the point that some may consider it suicidal. However, if you should choose to go and attempt it, then I have something that might ensure that you come back safe and unharmed. I have taken the liberty of preparing several Portkeys which are set to return anyone touching them here in twenty minutes."

James looked around for a moment, weighing what the others' expressions indicated, then said with his usual confidence, "Count me and Lily in, Albus. Even if the rest of you don't want to join us, we're going!"

Sirius smirked as he saw Lily throw James a reproachful glare, to which James responded with an apologetic grimace; one thing that frequently rocked the boat of Lily and James' relationship in Sirius' opinion was how James had a tendency to try and make decisions for Lily. It frequently landed the man in hot water with his fiancee, that was for sure...

Noticing that everyone else had volunteered, Sirius pretended to ponder for a moment, then said loudly, "Well, if James goes, then I'm going too! He definitely needs someone to pull his butt out of the fire after Lily's through with toasting it!"

Sirius was particularly pleased at how most of the men, and especially both of the Prewett brothers, snorted at that remark while laughing at the couple. Meanwhile, Lily blushed scarlet and James hurled Sirius furious glare of his own, which Sirius returned with a laughing wink. Needling the happy couple was one of the high points of Sirius' day, and he hoped that it would help Lily forget about what she had been harping on earlier tonight...

Clearly trying to restore the situation to some sense of control, James then said in a serious tone of voice, "Well then, we only have about fifteen minutes or so until these Portkeys yank us back here, so let's get moving everyone! Follow my lead!"

Moody then coughed loudly, causing James to flush slightly in embarrassment, before correcting himself after remembering that he was Moody's junior in both the Order and the Ministry, "Err...follow Moody's lead!"

Everyone except for James laughed at that, but the laughter soon faded as the Order members prepared to apparate, Lily still rather annoyed that James had volunteered her for a mission without asking AGAIN...

Dividing into two groups so as to search for Dorcas faster, one led by Moody and the other by Gideon Prewett, the seven then apparated into the dungeons of Lestrangus with a crack. Lily, with Sirius, Remus and Gideon following right behind her, then took a look around only to find herself standing right in front of a Death Eater.

Lily barely had time to realize that dungeons really hadn't changed for pureblood families since about the twelfth century, still being grungy, damp and made of stone, before she had to duck to avoid being made shorter by a head by a hex that looked like a sawblade made of magic. Thinking fast, Lily hurled a bludgeoning hex at the rather brutish man guarding the cell nearby, catching him on the head and... 'Ew, pulverised brain tissue, not something that I'd like to see again...'

After shaking her head for a moment to clear it of that particular sight, Lily followed the rest of her group down the corridors of the Lestrange dungeons, everyone moving so quietly that Lily would have thought herself alone if it weren't for the sight of the three in front of her. Unfortunately, it seemed that the Lestranges must have had a lot of enemies when they built this place, as there were a great many cells for them to check through and the group had barely minutes left until the Portkey triggered...

As they checked, Sirius periodically smirked or winked at her or Remus, trying to do his usual job of entertainment without being able to utter a single word. Although she didn't laugh, Lily had a hard time believing for a moment that this winking, smiling man might have nearly killed Severus in the past, yet it brought to her mind images she had tried to forget when she had made her peace with the Marauders in her sixth year...images of four laughing boys tormenting an old, cherished friend for no reason other than because he existed...

Swallowing, Lily turned and opened the next door to reveal a rather exhausted and grungy-looking Dorcas Meadowes, who had clearly gone a bout or two with the _Cruciatus_. She was still twitching slightly from the aftereffects, and had some blood running down her face from a cut on her scalp, but Dorcas was clearly pleased to see her as she cracked a grin when Lily stepped into her line of sight.

Swallowing, Lily turned to motion the other three members of her group over to the room she was in, only to hear the sounds of an explosion suddenly roaring through the old dungeon corridors. Shouts could be heard coming from overhead, and Lily suddenly felt a jolt of fear rush through her while causing her to go a bit weak in the knees at the thought of what might be happening to James now, especially since the sounds of Killing Curses could easily be heard even from this distance...

Clearly sensing Lily's distress, Sirius put a hand on her shoulder and said in a low tone of voice, not quite a whisper, "Don't worry, Lily, they will all be just fine. After all, in only two minutes, their Portkeys will trigger and take them all to safety-"

"Speaking of which," Moody interrupted gruffly as he moved into a position where he had some cover as he guarded the door, "let's make sure that there are no 'presents' attached to Dorcas here before we try to spring her loose!"

Lily knew that Moody was only trying to take her mind off of things, but busied herself anyway with checking for any curses or Dark magic that might have been left on Dorcas to keep her from escaping, all the while hoping desperately that James was going to be alright...

**Author's Note: **Sorry it's been so long since my last chapter; I've been trying to finish up 'What if? The Purgatory of Lily', and my other stories have been put a bit on the back-burner. Still, I want to get at least a few more chapters done before my Master's program heats up again...

For those of you who may be wondering why Voldemort has made it possible for the Order to get inside of the Lestrange manor so easily, it's actually a matter of convenience and arrogance. After all, it's a lot harder to get out than it is to get in when your only options for leaving are fighting your way through the Death Eaters or taking a Portkey.

The problem with the latter option from my readings online is that there are two varieties of Portkeys. One version allows an infinite number of passages to and from one spot, but it triggers every time it is touched, making it rather impractical for carrying. The alternative would be something like what Harry and co. used to get to the Quidditch World Cup in the Goblet of Fire, with a time-based activation trigger.

Also, for those of you who are wondering why Dumbledore would mention that the Order has a spy so casually, let's just say that he has more than a few tricks up those purple sleeves...

As a small treat for your patience, here's a snippet from a story I am considering writing after I complete 'What if? The Purgatory of Lily'. Please include your opinion on it if you have time during your review! I'm not sure if the first-person tone is one that I'd be particularly good at, but I'll certainly try if you think it goes well with it.

**Cursed To Relive**

_"Severus Snape, come up here, NOW!"_

_I sighed as Minerva shouted at me to come up to take my turn at the Sorting Cap...although she would probably be quite surprised to hear me call her that, considering my apparent age. I had managed to tune out most of the Sorting ceremony, an easy task after having suffered through it more times than I cared to remember, but this was the one part which I was unable to avoid. _

_Walking up to the grungy old hat while glaring at the deputy headmistress, I jammed it on my head as I sat down heavily, idly wondering if Dumbledore's opinions of my being missorted were about to come true. Still, I had absolutely no desire to be put there, that was for sure..._

_Although for me it had been in excess of thirty years since I had been forced to listen to this infernal head-covering, I recognized its voice instantly as it spoke to me with a flicker of amusement, _

_"Ah, interesting, if I didn't know better then I would say that you didn't belong here. Still, I've dealt with people like you before, even if you are reliving your life. Now then, where shall I put you...? There's plenty of courage there, oceans of it really, but also a level of loyalty the likes of which I have rarely seen before. Cunning and ambition too, oh yes there is. Lots of that I see..."_

_Although I had been mildly interested at first, the aged hat's voice soon began to bore me with its deliberations. Remembering how I had spent years trying to make sure that I would never meet Lily in this reality, so I wouldn't have to watch as she left me for Potter once more, I mentally chanted to it, 'Not Gryffindor, not Gryffindor...' _

_The Sorting Hat sounded quite amused as it replied, chuckling all the while, "Interesting, you would avoid Gryffindor for the sake of not meeting the girl you love? It's rather ironic really, all things considered but if you're sure..."_

_'Not Gryffindor!'_

_"Very well then, although I think that you might be quite surprised as to the results of this choice..." For a moment then, I felt a stab of worry and wondered if I had made a mistake, but the Sorting Hat continued in a shout before I could change my mind, "Better be...SLYTHERIN!"_

_Shrugging, I put the matter behind me as I left the Sorting Hat in the chair I had been sitting in, then walked over to the Slytherin table. Making sure to sit as far away from Malfoy as I could this time around, I quickly walked over to an open seat at the end of the table, then sat down and grabbed a plate. _

_Unfortunately, I was still as clumsy at eleven as I had always been, and knocked over the goblet of whoever was sitting next to me on my right. Rather embarrassed at my blunder as I still thought of myself as a grown man and not a clumsy child, I quickly mopped it up and apologized to my seatmate without even looking at him or her, "Err...Sorry about that. I didn't mean to, you know, do that."_

_"That's alright, it was an accident I'm sure." A sinking feeling made itself known in the pit of my stomach, as I recognized that voice instantly; How could I not when it was in every one of my most cherished memories? Turning stiffly to the right, I then looked into the most beautiful emerald, almond-shaped eyes and swallowed as the voice continued, "By the way, my name's Lily Evans, what's yours?"_

_It was then that I realized what I should have remembered would happen a long ago: life's one true purpose was to torment me. In spite of how much I had desperately tried to avoid having to watch Lily slowly fall for James once more, as she had in spite of all I had done to try and prevent it from happening in my original life, I was doomed to suffer anew._

_After nearly a minute of staring, I said in a stiff, nervous tone, my cheeks heating up as I did so, "Hi...I'm Severus Snape..."_


	12. Exhausted Contemplations

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 12**

**Exhausted Contemplations**

_In all likelihood, I will die as soon as she wakes up..._

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

"...and so James carried Dorcas all the way to the floo, then took her home..."

"You know, Lily, he could have just apparated with her..."

"I know, but it's the principle of the matter. Really, it was very sweet of him to take such good care of Dorcas like that..." Lily then sighed dreamily while Severus fought the urge to throw up, although he wasn't entirely sure if it was because it was an act of vomit-inducing sweetness or because it was Potter who had committed it...

Still, Severus managed to say with only a little bit of stubborn sullenness, gritting his teeth as he did so, "Still...I suppose it wasn't the worst thing Potter could have done. He did carry her after all, even if it included mind-numbingly boring heroics in the process..."

Lily looked at him with a slightly tilted head, seeming to be evaluating him, then she said with an amused giggle, "You know, Sev, I think that that is the most complimentary thing I ever heard you say about James. I'll be sure to tell him if he asks that you think that he did do the right thing."

Severus contemplated whether or not that was a good thing, then shrugged it off for the moment, before asking with a more serious tone while stifling a yawn, "Did anything else happen? I mean, anything that would relate to our 'little problem'?"

Lily thought it over as she sat in one of the wooden chairs of Severus' kitchen, secretly sneaking peeks of the decor while she did so. She had already told Severus about what Dumbledore had said, only to discover that he had already been informed by Dumbledore himself after the rescue mission had finished. Although James' group had needed to fight off no less than twenty Death Eaters until Dumbledore's Portkeys triggered, nothing relating to discovering the spy had happened, not to her knowledge at least...

In the end, Lily shrugged and Severus frowned, supporting his chin with one of his hands as he sat down heavily. He seemed nearly exhausted, no surprise considering that like her he had likely not gotten a wink of sleep since yesterday morning, with . However, Severus still seemed carefully focused as he started speaking, although she could hear the exhaustion starting to creep in,

"Well, although I can't say who is that bloody spy of yours, at least we can start ruling out who isn't. That's assuming that the Dark Lord doesn't have more than one of 'em of course, but we're huuaaah..." Severus yawned for a moment, unable to stop himself, then continued, "...all dead anyway if that's the case, so it doesn't really bear thinking about..."

Lily raised her eyebrow questioningly, and Severus gave her a slight look of impatience, before saying with a touch of annoyance,

"The Dark Lord implied when I spoke to him last night that a 'comrade' would be coming to identify her momentarily, remember? Fifteen to twenty minutes later, you guys came storming in. You said that you were all briefed on the kidnapping about ten minutes before you left, right? Well if that's the case, then whoever was there couldn't be the spy, as that person would most definitely have left to get to Lestrangus beforehand."

While Lily seemed to be thinking it over, beautiful green eyes boring a hole into his kitchen table Severus was reminded of his spart of annoyance toward Dumbledore thanks to the older man's little 'briefing'. Clearly the Hogwarts Headmaster had been planning to drop that little bomb at the Order meeting from the beginning, something which Severus could really have found useful to know about BEFORE he talked to the Dark did understand why he had revealed it of course, Severus wasn't a fool, even when he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep.

By revealing that he had a spy, Dumbledore had actually probably deflected suspicion away from Severus. After all, what kind of moron would purposefully have one of his subordinates kidnapped, only to rescue her that same night? By having Severus do the dirty deed, Dumbledore had managed to achieve multiple objectives: not only was Potter distracted for the moment, but the Dark Lord was now likely all but certain that Severus was both competant and trustworthy.

Still, if Severus hadn't been careful to make sure that Dorcas never saw his face and hadn't spoken in a monotone that revealed little of his voice to her, then it would have been very likely that he would have been outed one way or another... What had been far more interesting in his opinion was the mild spark of happiness that Potter, Black and Lupin weren't guilty of being the spy...

Lily then spoke, clearly exhausted, but not quite ready to call it quits yet, "That's...uaaah, something that I'm gonna have to consider. Now, my excuse to James for you was that you sent me a Floo-call yesterday telling me that you were going to show me around your lab, right? Well, we might as well get to it, don't you think?"

Severus shrugged, and Lily followed him, staggering slightly from lack of sleep as he led her over to a bookshelf. For a moment, she wondered if perhaps he had gotten so tired that he had...lost his sense of direction or something of that nature, but then Severus pulled out a single book from its spot on the bookshelf and the whole thing moved silently to the side. As Lily looked on in surprise, a simple, wooden door was revealed, which opened with a slight squeak of its hinges.

Slightly amused, Lily poked Severus in the arm, causing him to look back at her with mild irritation. Smiling, she then asked him in a tone slightly above a whisper, giggling quietly, "Severus...you took the time to create a secret entrance to your basement, but didn't bother to oil the hinges?"

Flushing a little, Severus mumbled something that might have been an excuse if Lily had been able to hear it through the blanket that tiredness had cast over her senses. Shaking her head, both out of amusement and a desire to try to stay awake, Lily patted his shoulder and said, "Never mind, le-uaaahh-ad on, Severus..."

Her head beginning to droop, Lily followed him down into the basement of the Snape family residence; it had once been a very dusty, and not particularly large room, used to house his father's pool-table and knick-knacks. However, Severus had clearly remade it in his own image, much like he had the rest of the house...although she didn't know about the yellow-painted walls yet...

Although the room was probably no larger than before, it seemed to be about twice the size of that room that Lily could barely remember. All of the dust, knick-knacks and the pool-table had all vanished, and it had even been repainted a dark shade of white, bordering on grey. Severus had been very economical in his use of space and had managed to fit four cauldrons, two of which were filled with brewing potions which bubbled quietly, as well as two seperate cupboards that Lily was certain were fully stocked with ingredients...

Lily then turned to look into a corner and paused, blinking, at the sight of a single, rickety little bed sitting in the far corner. It was small, no more than a single in size, and had but one brown blanket and a solitary pillow placed on top of it.

Not sure what to say, Lily looked at Severus in confusion, only for him to sigh and scowl bitterly. After a few moments, he yawned then said sardonically, "The bed is there for when I find it necessary to work through the night, should the Dark Lord wish it, as I frequently need to take 'catnaps' in order to keep some degree of alertness..."

Lily was confused, perhaps because of sheer exhaustion, but apparently Severus noticed because he then elaborated with that touch of sarcasm that was all his own, "Apparently, destroying the wizarding world as we know it while depopulating it of Muggleborns is something that has a need for an impressive array of potions...and an equally impressive lack of patience. As I am one of the better Potions Masters in the ranks...it is my job to brew them for him whenever he should happen to need one, day or night..."

As Lily mouthed an 'oh', Severus found himself wishing that there was something about his potions lab that might impress her, but after what he had seen of her lab in the Potter home he was sure that it would be nearly impossible. Feeling tired and embarrassed, he was about to apologize for how decrepit it must be to her when she grinned at him and said with almost-shining eyes, "Wow, Sev, it's perfect!"

Annoyed at her patronizing him, Severus stifled a snarl, then said coldly if tiredly, "Lily, I do not need your pity; I know that it is quite inadequate in comparison to your lab, but-"

Lily pressed her finger to his lips, causing Severus to shut up, then she said with a sincere smile,

"No Sev, I really think that it is great; I mean, it's small, but it's got my lab badly beaten in organization easily. Unfortunately, one of the not-so-great things about using James' lab is the fact that he's got so much empty space in there. Everytime I make a potion, I have to walk like three miles because of how he's organized the ingredients and such, meaning that my legs are killing me by the time I'm done with the day. And the worst part is that James absolutely refuses to change his 'system', if you can call it th-huaaah-at..."

As Lily continued her stream of complaints in spite of her yawn, Severus couldn't help but smirk slightly in his pride, leaning against a nearby wall in an almost arrogant fashion as he did so.

Suddenly, she started giggling, causing Severus to raise his eyebrows in question. Giggling increasing to a point that Severus was sure that her exhaustion must be involved in some way, Lily then walked over to the bed and sat down, before saying in amusement, "Severus, you're preening like a bloody peacock over your lab being better than James'! I'll be-uaah-t that if I said that your house's DUST-BUNNIES had more chara-uah-cter than James' you would be looking at them in pride, you silly goose!"

As his eyes darkened, Lily thought that she had somehow managed to anger him with her comments, but she found it difficult to care much right then as she was just so tired... As her eyelids slowly drooped down, she saw a shadow that she supposed was him slowly walk toward her, then she heard Severus' voice say as her eyes shut completely, "But you will not deny that my lab is better, Lily?"

Lily thought she nodded, but she was no longer quite sure of anything, except for the fact that whatever was touching the side of her face was quite warm and comfortable indeed...

No longer thinking of anything except for the fact that she had just leaned into something that was quite warm indeed, Lily heard Severus' voice say something that seemed to have no meaning, but ignored it as irrelevant in face of the fact that the warmth was now spreading throughout all of the front of her body as she pressed it into said warmth...

Suddenly, Lily felt more of the warmth being wrapped around her, and she mewled happily as she snuggled deeper into it. She could feel some sense of motion, but found that she didn't care much so long as she was in this place of delicious warmth. It even smelled rather nice, reminding her of days spent with...someone important she couldn't quite recall with her brain in this state.

Finally, the movement stopped, and Lily found her back laying on something extremely soft...however something was trying to take the warmth away! That could not be allowed, so she gripped it harder, holding on tightly and wrapping both her arms and legs around it so that whatever was trying to take it away would stop!

Severus wasn't quite sure why Lily was absolutely refusing to let him go so that he could set her down on the King-size bed in the master bedroom, but he was just too tired to try and pry her loose after climbing two floors worth of steps in his state of exhaustion.

Finally giving up, he allowed her to pull him down to her by the bed and shut his eyes, stifling a chuckle as she rubbed her cheek against his while mumbling happily... It was times like this when Severus was sure that she had been sorted properly when she had gone into Gryffindor, as she acted far too much like an overgrown kitten for him to miss the comparison...

As Severus slowly let his breathing match that of the beautiful red-head lying in his arms, falling gently off to sleep, he wondered why the thought of Potter, Black and Lupin being innocent had made him feel any happiness at all...

**Author's Note: **I do hope that this chapter partially explains Dumbledore's reasoning for letting the Order know about having a spy; it should qualify as one of Dumbledore's cases of 'mad genius' IMO, as what kind of moron would kidnap his own allies, just to steal them back in a high-risk rescue a couple of hours later? Only a complete idiot or a genius.

Also, I hope that the scene was...reasonably realistic.

Lastly, here is another snippet from 'Cursed to Relive'. Unfortunately, it might be a while before it comes out, if it does. However, if there is a lot of interest...I will probably start it up sooner.

**Cursed to Relive**

_"...Did you hear? Celestina Warbeck's thinking about coming out with a new album; it'll be her first since 'You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me'! Think your mum's gonna let you attend the concert?"_

_"I dunno...I hope so though! How bout you er, Lillian?"_

_"Um, I'm not sure. I've got to get going though...so see you later, Selene."_

_"Ok, have fun. Now, my mother was thinking..."_

_I then slowly walked away, trying to keep the tears from my eyes, frustrated once more at how awkward finding friends was for me. I had hoped that after all the years of being 'the freak sister' and 'that weird Evans girl', I might have finally found somewhere where I could fit in, make some friends who wouldn't go away when weird things started happening around me again..._

_Unfortunately, while my magic was no longer something to be ashamed of, I had a whole new set of problems; being Muggleborn, I didn't understand what a Pygmy Puff was, or who was Celestina Warbeck...so making friends was just as hard it had been in primary school, even without the stigma of being Muggleborn..._

_Sighing as I came to the entrance to the Hogwarts library, I wiped my eyes slowly, hoping that they weren't too red. After taking a deep breath, I walked into the one place in the school that I could call my sanctuary. Luckily, as it was a Friday afternoon, there were only a few people in here with me. That meant that at least I would be uninterrupted as I buried my face inside of a good book once again, one of the few things in this school that would grant me peace from my frustrations._

_Sitting down at a table in the back after pulling a few books down from the shelves, I began reading a copy of Basic Charms Theory, figuring that it might help me understand a little as to why swishes and flicks were so frequently used in Charm-casting. It was something that I had noticed, but had been too embarrassed to ask Flitwick about, not wanting to become known as the 'Teacher's Pet'...again..._

_Then the sounds of footsteps made themselves heard nearby and I turned my head, only to see Severus standing in between two bookshelves, looking at me with a frown. He then started walking toward me, causing me to wonder wildly if he were going to sit by me this time, but he took a seat at the next table over. Feeling my eyes beginning to sting as he took out his bookbag, I turned away so that he would not see me cry, only to be surprised by him saying in a murmur, "You may sit here if you like..."_

_Frowning, I turned to ask him why he couldn't just sit at my table...only to realize that there was only one chair at it. Slightly embarrassed at my oversight, I walked over to Severus' table, then began to read alongside my fellow bookworm in a comfortable silence. Feeling a small grin creeping over my face, I thought to myself with a mental giggle, 'Well, at least I made one friend here other than that Gryffindor, James Potter...'_


	13. Tormenting Memories Part One

**Ex Intempestivo Pax**

**Chapter 13**

**Tormenting Memories Part One**

_Why did I deserve to suffer so...?_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

_"So, Snivelly, how've you been doing lately? I heard that you've been bugging Prongs' girl here, and you know how the Marauders feel about that, don't you? I hope that tonight's been a good lesson to you!"_

_"Nice hex, Padfoot! I'll bet that he'll be feeling that one for weeks! Anything else you or Prongs want to try?"_

_"Eh, he looks so pathetic now, there's really no point. Still, ten points from Slytherin for improper attire. Honestly bloke, you shouldn't have your robes all covered in mud like that. I have to take points for it..."_

_"Nice one, Prongs! Come on, I wanna tell Moony. Besides..."_

"Severus..."

_"...I'll bet that..."_

"Severus!"

_"...would love to hear about what you did to the greasy git..."_

"SEVERUS, WAKE UP!"

As Severus' eyes snapped open, Lily breathed a sigh of relief. She had woken up just a few minutes ago, discovering herself to be entangled with Severus in such a way that for a moment she had believed that she had gotten drunk or something and slept with him. She had quickly realized though that all of her clothes were still on. It had been a good thing too, as she would have been very hurt had Severus taken advantage of her like that...

After realizing this, Lily had carefully extricated her body from Severus', making absolutely sure that she didn't disturb him. However, he had then started muttering something that sounded like a very soft whimper of "No...please...not her...". At the same time, his arms had been twitching as if they were possessed, and he had pressed himself into the bed so hard that it was as if he were cringing away from some sort of mental demon.

Realizing that Severus must be having nightmares about his father again, Lily had started shaking him frantically in her efforts to wake him up. She had started by saying his name, at first frantically but that had soon changed into a shout as he had started moaning, which had terrified her greatly...

Coming to quickly, as had frequently been necessary during surprise attacks throughout his childhood, Severus saw Lily's face barely inches from his own. She had a deep frown marring her usually-smiling face, and her eyes were shadowed with worry as she looked down at him, causing Severus to feel guilty for disturbing her because of a mere drea-

"Was it another nightmare, Severus?" Lily said sympathetically as Severus felt her place her hand gently upon his right cheek, causing him to feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassed anger, as they always did when she tried to mother him. Although he usually enjoyed it secretly when Lily touched him in an affectionate manner, he wished she wouldn't do it at times when it was something stupid like a bad dream, as if he needed help from people like some sort of weakling...

Still, Severus managed to resist the temptation to deal with her coldly by reminding himself that Lily wasn't trying to mock him with his weakness, only pushing her hand gently but firmly away. Severus then said simply, wanting to calm her down so she wouldn't worry about him over nothing of importance, "It was nothing important, just some unhappy memories. You do not need to worry."

However, Lily then spoke in a kind but careful tone of voice that reminded Severus of dealing with a hissing Rattlesnake, "Severus, you were moaning like a hellhound was after you. I wouldn't call that 'nothing'. What happened in your dream?"

Lily scooted back along the bed slightly as Severus then glared at her, bringing back unhappy memories of watching as Severus limped slowly into her house on Christmas morning, then all but shouted at her when she asked about his clearly-hurt leg. However, Severus then said slowly, almost biting off each and every word, "Leave it, Lily. I can handle it myself; it was merely a bad dream, and isn't worth any fuss."

Crossing her arms in an effort to give herself some courage, wondering why she was being so stubborn this time about it rather than backing off, Lily glared back at Severus defiantly and said coldly, "Tell me now, Severus. If you actually consider me to be your friend, then you will tell me what's wrong!"

For a moment, Lily feared that Severus was going to go off like a stick of dynamite in a bonfire, as he drew himself back angrily while glaring at her darkly from across the bed. However, he then said in a low growl, reminding her of a rabid dog,

"Very well then, Lily, it was a memory from back in my school days. Potter, Black and Pettigrew ambushed me, using that blasted cloak of Potter's, because I had bothered 'Prongs' girl'. They disarmed me, hit me with a couple of hexes, then covered me with mud. I then got points taken away from Slytherin for 'improper attire', as the muddy clothing gave an excuse to punish me for breaking school rules. Are you HAPPY now!?"

After his quick little tale, which Lily suspected had glossed over much of what had happened based on the defiant look that Severus was wearing, an awkward silence seemed to sweep over the room. Still, Lily had to work hard to keep from smiling at the fact that Severus had confided something like that in her, instead of just lashing out and saying nothing about it after the storm blew over.

First giving herself a moment to make sure she had maintained control, Lily looked at Severus, who seemed to be bracing himself for something awful to happen now that he had said something. He no longer looked angry, as his fury had indeed blown out like steam from a tea kettle, much like it usually did in situations like this. Severus' hate could last years, but his anger had always seemed to blow out quickly if given something to work it out on, for example a few dozen curses at James had always seemed to make him calm down when they were kids...

Putting her hands on Severus' shoulders and rubbing them slightly for comfort, Lily then looked into his blank, mirrorlike eyes and said quietly, trying to fill her voice with gratitude, "I'm not happy about what happened to you, as the Marauders really could be major prats back then, but I am glad that you told it to me. Thank you, Severus..." She then paused before asking in a tone of comfort, "...Would you like to talk about it?"

Severus could only stare at Lily in utter disbelief, unable to comprehend what had happened, but he managed to say in a tone that seemed almost questioning, "If it would be OK, I would prefer not to?"

He had to admit mild surprise at how Lily wasn't laughing at him for his weakness like his father had, or telling him off for letting something so pathetic bother him like his mother had. They were the only people he had ever really told about his nightmares, and Severus had grown to understand why they acted the way they did. Like him, his mother had learned long ago that weaknesses were to be concealed so that people wouldn't hurt you, and had been trying to protect him in their own screwed-up way...

While Severus ruminated at length, Lily slowly got off of the bed and stood up. Deciding to let Severus be for the moment, as he surely wanted to put this embarrassing situation behind himself, Lily then asked carefully, "Err, Severus, do you have the Pensieve with you? I mean, if you don't have anything planned, now would be a good time to see the third memory. Agreed?"

Severus looked at her strangely for a few moments more, as if he were looking for something that shouldn't be there, then replied with a nod, "We can do that in a bit, but I need to check on the potions that I've been brewing first, and it would be...advisable if we had lunch as well."

Realizing that her stomach was attempting to stage a coup against her, unless she gave into its demands for food and beverages, Lily quickly nodded. Besides, Severus' leaving the room gave her the chance to let that smile out that she had been holding back, lest he mistake it for amusement at his pain. Severus had a tendency to lash out angrily when something like that happened.

In spite of both her hunger and glee at the fact that Severus had told her one of his secrets, although she suspected that he was now fleeing down to the labs in embarrassment, Lily was distracted by something that she had idly wondered ever since the end of their friendship: had there been any changes in his potions methodology since the Half-Blood Prince and the Green-Eyed Witch last worked together?

Hearing Severus clomping downstairs, Lily took a moment to look around his room, which had once been his parents' room. She still wondered why he had chosen to live here, as he had always been planning to leave after they finished Hogwarts. After a moment, the answer came to her and Lily chastised herself mentally for forgetting for even a moment that although he looked better since his Hogwarts days, that didn't mean he was rich by any means...

However, that did give Lily an idea, as perhaps there was something she could do about it... It would be tough, as Severus accepted charity about as much as Bellatrix Lestrange accepted Muggleborns, but perhaps she could...

Smiling as she decided to work on her little scheme later, wanting to fine-tune it before trying to convince Severus, Lily then shouted, "Hey, Sev! Mind if I join you down there!? You know, watching you brew and stuff!"

A few seconds passed, then she heard Severus shout back up, showing that he had either gotten past the weird dream he had had or had decided to pretend he had, "That would be acceptable, Lily, but I'm going to make us lunch before I go. Would tuna on Rye be alright!?"

Lily couldn't help but feel a mild surge of relief that she wouldn't have to be the one to prepare a meal for once, unless she preferred to rely on takeout that is, so she almost skipped down the stairs while shouting eagerly, "Sure!" Remembering something suddenly, she then continued, "Oh wait, do you remember those 'tuna melt' things that my mum used to make!? Could you make those instead? She showed you the recipe, right Sev?"

She heard Severus chuckle as she entered the living room, then he shouted, apparently not realizing she had come downstairs, "I was actually hoping to surprise you with that! Glad to hear you don't mind!"

Severus was unsure why she didn't respond, but the answer came quickly to him as he saw Lily's glare as she entered the kitchen a few seconds, rubbing her ears slightly. Realizing that she must have heard him shouting at the top of his lungs from near point-blank range, Severus then continued tentatively while preparing the dish, wincing slightly as he did so, "Err...Sorry about that, Lily... I didn't realize..."

As he prepared lunch, using his wand instead of a toaster to heat the bread, Severus had to suppress a smile as Lily started muttering about how he had probably destroyed her sense of hearing with his shouting. Although Lily was usually pretty serious, although never to the point he was, she could get a little childish sometimes. Although he would never tell her it aloud, Severus couldn't help but enjoy it when she acted like this, sulking just a little bit in a good-natured way. It made him want to spoil her rotten.

Chuckling as he watched her pout, although he suspected that it was mostly for his benefit, Severus spread the mayonaise on the cheese just the way that Lily liked it and put the first of the sandwiches together. It wasn't the most complicated of lunches, but it was quick to make and quite delicious.

Severus still remembered how Lily's mother had made them for them on nights where she hadn't had much time to cook, and how he and Lily would chatter together while munching them down... He missed those days still, back when Lily had never heard of the name 'James Potter' and Severus hadn't dreamed of anything but playing with his newfound friend with the enchanting smiles...

As Severus paused in the midst of making another sandwiche, apparently lost in thought, Lily was heartened to see him smiling ever so slightly. It wasn't the most charming of smiles, just a secretive, normal little smile that was made precious by how uncommon it was. Since his smiles were so unusual to see, Lily had always made it a point to treasure them on the rare occasions they did appear...

-URGRUMBLE-

Lily stood stock-still as Severus slowly turned to look right at her, mortified at how her stomach's rumble had interrupted such a beautiful sight, and couldn't help but look down in complete embarrassment as she felt her cheeks heat up. Moments passed in silence as Lily tried to come up with something to say to break the awful stillness, failing utterly, only for her to finally feel a plate be placed into her right hand.

Looking back up, Lily saw that although Severus' face was perfectly still and blank, his eyes were all but dancing with amusement. Still, he didn't laugh at her, and Lily was grateful for it. Apparently noticing her relief and deducing the cause of it, Severus then said blandly, "I suppose that Potter would be laughing at you right about now, wouldn't he?"

Severus winced slightly as Lily gave him a glare, reminding him that it was her fiance that he had insulted, but then she said with a calm dignity, "Indeed, he would have, and you have to admit that it was funny; if you cannot laugh at yourself, then life wouldn't be too enjoyable now, would it?" Lily then paused a moment, before saying somewhat sheepishly, "Still, I'll admit would prefer it if I was the only one laughing some of the time..."

Thinking about it for a moment while he ate his sandwiche, Severus then replied calmly, smirking mischievously as he did so, "Very well then, I shall remember to crack a joke or two the next time it happens. That way, we can laugh at something other than your stomach's astonishingly inappropriate behavior. Really, you should put a muzzle on that thing sometime."

It wasn't that good of a joke, but Lily couldn't help herself from dissolving into a fit of giggles, not the best idea since she had started eating right after Severus had. Although she glared at him as she struggled to keep from choking, she couldn't stop herself from laughing harder when he continued, "You see? I can be funny...more or less..."

After Lily finished her battle with her throat, they then spent most of the meal on fairly pointless small-talk, mostly on Lily's side although Severus did make frequent comments. It was nice, and it reminded her of Summers long since gone by, where she and Severus would spend every single day together...

Lily's mother would always watch the two of them with this wistful look as the two of them bantered, before turning to her father and making silly comments like "Gee, Dear, doesn't that bring back memories?" or "You know, why don't we have Severus move in sometime? It would be like a preview of the future...", while Petunia would roll her eyes and her father would reply with something like "Yes, but only over my dead body, Dear.".

Memories...they had eventually become memories that she would always treasure as breaths of fresh air in their friendship even as it had once slowly choked to death... Still, perhaps without the house rivalries and the verbal wars over the Marauders and the Death Eaters, things would return to the way they were during that near-idyllic time...

Finally, as Lily finished eating the tuna melts he had placed on her plate, she said to a still-eating Severus, "So, your potions? You were going to let me watch you brew them?"

Severus sighed, then said ruefully, "Unfortunately, it appears that I underestimated we spent sleeping. My potions are almost certainly no longer up to standard, and it might mean my head if I turned in poorly-made ones..." He then paused before saying tentatively, clearly bracing himself, "However, perhaps you could show me another memory of yours?"

As Lily nodded, Severus had to suppress a wince; he had grown to loathe these memories, in spite of how useful the information gained had been to him. Still, it was unlikely that it would be half as painful as that memory he had relived in his dream, the moment he had realized that he had hurt Lily to the point that she didn't mind his suffering from James' attacks...

**Author's Note: **I hope that this doesn't surprise anyone, but it really would make sense if you think about it. James Potter and co. seemed to go for both physical and mental humiliation in the incident by the lake, so punishing Severus for their bullying of him would seem to be right up their alley.

In all honesty, what would you expect it you put a bully in charge of punishing students for their misbehavior? In my opinion, either all the teachers of Hogwarts deserved to be sacked for making James Head Boy or they had no idea the bullying had continued past mid-sixth year, as that HAS to be against some sort of code of ethics and unlike when they were choosing prefects (Lupin) they had four houses to choose from...

Also, I would like to note that Lily is thinking of a earlier time period during her reply.

Another thing I wanted to demonstrate in this chapter that although Severus is trying to win Lily over, his level of self-esteem is still incredibly low. For example, his reactions to his mother's actions may seem strange, but I think they make sense if you think about them from Severus' view...

By the way, I'm thinking of using this section of my fics to include ideas that I might turn into full-length fics. Feel free to borrow them if you like. As an example, here is a little something that I am collaborating with blackmamuth on:

**Dark Purity**

_I was staring at a grave, something that I had found myself doing many times ever since THAT day. I had lost count of just how many times I had gone to to HIS gravesite in saddened remembrance, trying desperately to recall the exact way his eyebrow was shaped when he lifted it disbelievingly, or the insecure longing I saw in his pitch-black eyes whenever he thought I wasn't looking... _

_However, even though I was looking at the exact same spot that I always had, it wasn't the same grave. This wasn't the silver monument in his image that I had all but broken the Ministry budget in order to have placed here, as a marker for the tomb that should have held his body. This wasn't even a grave to him; instead, it it was a simple, white headstone that bore my name and that of my ex-husband's, may he rot in hell..._

_What did this mean? I had attempted to resurrect him, and given just how thorough I had been, it should have been a success. I had combined the powers of the Resurrection Stone, the Chamber of Death and my own power, the same power I had used to send the so-called 'Dark Lord' screaming into the abyss in vengeance for Severus' murder. He hadn't been guilty of course, that guilt belonging to a quartet of seventeen-year old boys, but they had suffered immensely when I had finally uncovered the truth behind their web of lies..._

_I felt myself smiling as I remembered how Sirius Black had died, eaten alive by a nest of Runespoors, wandless and unable to do anything but try to run as they debated which part of him was the tastiest. I had been sure that Severus would appreciate the irony in that, with Sirius left to die alone to the laughter of his enemies just like Severus himself had... However, although enjoyable to recall Sirius' screams, that had little bearing on the situation at hand._

_I had poured so much power into this particular resurrection attempt that I could have restored Ol' Voldy to life ten times over, and I had had the advantage of one of the Deathly Hallows to boot. By all rights it should have worked perfectly, and even if it didn't, it did not explain why my grave had replaced Severus'..._

_I tried to recall what had happened when I performed this particular iteration of the ritual, but couldn't. All I remembered was a flash of blinding green light... _

_Then I considered something, remembering some of my studies of ancient magic, especially those of spells which rivaled my ritual in sheer power. Sometimes, magic just wasn't capable of achieving something just the way the caster wanted it to. In that case, it would try to achieve the closest thing possible to it..._

_Instead of restoring Severus to life, perhaps my resurrection attempt had instead altered the world so that he never died. Time-travel was already possible to a limited extent, but spells which restored those who were truly dead were all but nonexistant. I would have been protected from the spell, being the caster after all... Yes, that made sense, although I wasn't entirely certain it was what had happened. At least it made a good hypothesis..._

_Suddenly, I heard the voice of a truly aged woman from behind me, asking in a wondrous, disbelieving tone of voice, "Lily Potter, is that you? How could this be?"_

_Smirking in a way that Severus would have been proud of, I turned around and said with a wry chuckle, wondering idly whether or not Obliviating her would be a bad idea, "Not quite, but very close; I am Lily Evans..."_


End file.
